Lack of thank you upsets parent
Dear Annie: I am a devoted reader of your column. Something is really eating at me, so I wanted to write to ask for your advice. I gave my son a large check that I enclosed inside a card as his Christmas present. I heard nothing. So I asked him to let me know if he received it and, after several days, he reported that he did.
From that point on, I got no “thank you” — not that day, not on Christmas and not when I thanked him for his gift.
I can’t seem to let this go. From past experience, it would be counterproductive to confront him about it. I believe he appreciates my monetary gifts — at least, he cashes all my checks, no matter how small.
In the scheme of things, this is small, especially since my daughter, who is triple-vaxxed, is now diagnosed with COVID-19. Please help me to see this in perspective and offer me some comfort. Thank you. — Sad Mom
Dear Sad Mom: I am sorry that your daughter has COVID-19. This is something that is totally out of your control, and you just have to be there for her emotionally and help her in any way you can. Sometimes, when we can’t control events on the outside, we try to control little things in our world, such as wanting to have the perfect thank-you from your son. Just tell him that your feelings were hurt that he did not acknowledge your gift more. BUT be careful not to have too high expectations. And ask yourself, do you give the gift for yourself or for your son?
Dear Annie: So many letters to you and other columnists have to do with children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews who don’t bother to thank the gift giver.
My late mother used to knit lovely infant clothing that she sent when there was a new baby in the family. If there wasn’t a “thank you,” for any future baby, she would make a donation to a charity of her choice and send a card with a note that said in honor of the birth, she had made a donation in the baby’s name.
If an engagement gift wasn’t acknowledged, she did the same in response to the wedding invitation. She got acknowledgements from the charities, which also sent acknowledgements to the honorees. She said she preferred giving where the gift was appreciated.
And as she loved to knit, she donated hats, sweaters and blankets to a local children’s hospital. Interesting that the beleaguered parents of sick children had the time to send thank-you notes, which the hospital forwarded to her.
Just a thought that might help some frustrated gift givers. — My Mother’s Solution
Dear Solution: What a clever way to teach a lesson while making others in need feel good. Thank you for taking the time to share your mother’s creative solution. The next letter is from a reader who is fretting over the same issue of not being thanked for a gift.