Staying committed to the conversation
There is one conversation from our daughter’s high school years that I remember viscerally. I don’t recall the topic, but I still feel the intensity.
We had reached an impasse, an emotional overload. Everyone felt frustrated, with no fresh solutions available to us in that tight moment. What did we do? We committed to the conversation, took a break and returned. There is great value in committing to the conversation, especially in talks in which the stakes are high.
First, it allowed us to eventually reach a satisfactory outcome.
Truth be told, there were many pauses and returns. With each pause, we became more flexible and creative. More ideas and opportunities entered the discussion. Our bodies also became softer and our hearts more open. We continually reminded ourselves that we were on the same team going for the outcome that served all of us.
It also showed our daughter and reinforced for us the commitment that we had for each other. Pausing and returning was a declaration of how important everyone’s ideas, well-being and desires were.
It modeled the nuances of reaching a peaceful conclusion, with the bumps in the road clearly evident. It showed we could bounce over the bumps, pause, return and resiliently reach peace. It showed that the process takes time and effort.
Committing to the conversation — and this is not about committing to an abusive situation — was a boundary. It said, “This is how we can connect. We value a peaceful resolution while understanding how feelings can get big.”
The pause gave us time to calm our nervous systems, consider our intention and allow the space for more creative ideas. It permitted us to slow down the conversation, listen to one another without being glued to our own agendas and perceive each person’s new ideas as helpful rather than threatening.
Committing to the conversation is a wonderful way to establish a connection as a team, as a family, as a duo. It is a boundary that says, “We are in this together.”