Canutito ‘y’ Grampo ‘hacen’ commit adultery
Canutito had gotten into the habit de ir a la Confesión toda la Cuaresma. He had confessed tantos pecados que he just couldn’t think of any more para confesar. He had become una persona tan buena that when he went to confession la última vez he shocked al padre when he began: “Bless me Father porque he pecado; I have committed adulterio.” The priest was shocked por la revelación de Canutito; how could a 9-year-old boy decir que he had committed adultery?
“M’hijo,” began the priest patiently, “¿Con qué persona comitiste adulterio? Was it adultery con una mujer casada or a younger girl poco más de tu edad?”
Canutito thought por un momento. He was confused con la pregunta del Padre. “He said: “Father, I have committed adulterio yo solito.”
Now it was the priest’s turn de estar todo confuso. “¿Cómo era posible cometer adulterio all by yourself?”
“Padre,” Canutito explained patiently, “I stayed up hasta las once de la noche just como los adultos; eso es adulterio, isn’t it?”
The Padre sighed todo relieved. (Él estaba esperando something much worse.) He just sent Canutito back pa’la casa sin penitencia; he just told him que no cometiera ‘adulterio’ any more. Canutito walked back home muy contento pero cuando entró en la cocina he found Grama Cuca crying en la mesa. “¿Qué le pasa, grama?” he asked her, bien concerned.
“I think que tu grampo has been cheating on me,” she sobbed. “In fact I am sure de que ¡él ha cometido adulterio con otra mujer!”
“Has he been staying up late, ¿después de las once de la noche?” he asked her, “porque el Padre told me que eso no es adulterio.”
Todavía llorando, Grama Cuca sighed: “The proof I have que tu grampo ha cometido adulterio es porque as I was cleaning la troca vieja this morning, I found un par de pantyhoses under the car seat. Yo creyo que tu grampo ha estado haciendo hanky-panky with another woman.”
“I can’t believe that, grama!” Canutito exclaimed. Yo pienso que Grampo Caralampio is too old para andar cometiendo adultery with another woman. Maybe he just bought some pantyhose como un regalo to give you as a present.”
“He couldn’t have bought them en una tienda muy buena,” Grama Cuca sniffed; las pantyhoses estaban todas dusty de manera que yo creyo que they must belong to a very old lady, hasta más vieja que yo. Pero as soon as your grampo comes home le voy a tirar las pantyhoses right in his face para ver qué explicación he is going to try to give me. I’m sure que he has been en la movida con una real floozie,” she wailed.
Canutito heard Grampo Caralampio come home y tan pronto como posible he crawled debajo de la mesa para no ver the big fight that was coming. The minute he entered, Grama Cuca threw the pantyhose at him diciendo: “¿Quién es la puta? I’ll scratch her eyes out!”
Grampo just grinned: “I was wondering que había pasado con esas pantyhoses. I thought maybe I had lost them cuando abrí la puerta de la troca. Ésas son tus pantyhoses, Cuca.”
“¿Y qué andabas haciendo tú con mis pantyhose, viejo?” Grama Cuca asked him.
“I was just using them to replace the fan belt que se me cortó in the old pickup the other day!” Grampo Caralampio answered. “Mi ‘puta’ se llama ‘Chevrolet’ y ya está muy vieja.”…