No shame and no sorrow: Divorce means party time in African nation of Mauritania

OUADANE, Mauritania — The henna artist bent over her client’s hand, glancing at the smartphone to get the precise details of the pattern chosen by her customer, a young woman living in an ancient desert city in the West African nation of Mauritania.

Under a sliver of brightening moon, the young woman, Iselekhe Jeilaniy, sat gingerly on a mat — careful that the wet henna on her skin would not smudge — just as she had on the eve of her wedding day.

But she was not getting married. She was getting divorced. The next day would be her divorce party.

“Your attention, married ladies — my daughter Iselekhe is divorced now!” Jeilaniy’s mother called out to the townspeople, ululating three times and drumming on a plastic tray turned upside down. Then she added the traditional reassurance the marriage had ended more or less amicably: “She’s alive, and so is her ex.”

Jeilaniy giggled, looking at her phone. She was busy posting henna pictures on Snapchat — the modern version of a divorce announcement.

Divorce in many cultures is seen as shameful and carries a deep stigma. But in Mauritania, it is not just normal but even seen as a reason to celebrate and spread the word the woman is available once more for marriage. For centuries, women have been coming together to eat, sing and dance at divorce parties. Now, the custom is being updated for the selfie generation, with inscribed cakes and social media montages, as well as the traditional food and music.

In this almost 100% Muslim country, divorce is frequent; many people have been through five to 10 marriages, and some as many as 20.

Divorce in the country is so common, according to Nejwa El Kettab, a sociologist who studies women in Mauritanian society, partly because the majority Maure community inherited strong “matriarchal tendencies” from their Berber ancestors. Divorce parties were a way for the country’s nomadic communities to spread the word of a woman’s status. Compared with other Muslim countries, women in Mauritania are quite free, she said, and can even pursue what she called a “matrimonial career.”