Aunt’s cruel comments are too much
Dear Annie: I have a son who’s going to be 3 in August. He’s been going through the “Terrible Twos,” and as you can imagine, it’s been terrible. His thing right now is that he will throw a fit, and then when he’s done, he will wrap his arms around me and say, “I love you, Mommy!”
Well, my husband’s aunt has rolled around after her partner died suddenly and left her with nothing. She is pretty rude sometimes. She regularly tells my son that he’s mean or he’s bad. It does nothing to help his behavior; he’s only 2, and he’s got those big feelings he can’t express yet.
Besides, when he understands that she’s telling him he is mean or bad, he will start acting that way more. I lost it the other day. She told him again he’s mean and I said, “He’s 2!” And she said, “That’s no excuse! He is just flat-out mean!” I took my son upstairs to get away from her.
This woman, I should add, did not stick around for her kids. She blames other people for her reasons for leaving and has absolutely nothing good to say about them. She also tells me all the time he only throws tantrums because I’m here. I’m also not trying to excuse his behavior; she just needs to quit talking to him that way. What can I do?
— Mama Bear
Dear Mama Bear: You can establish boundaries for yourself and your son. That boundary is with your aunt. The boundary is as follows: If she insults your son again or criticizes your parenting or him in any way, she is not allowed to see him. Period. She has no right to place her own adult judgments on a 2-year-old child. Her words, “He is just mean,” sound a lot like what she is being to you and him. Until she stops projecting her own negative feelings about herself onto you and your son, she is not allowed to be around you.
Dear Annie: I’m a 67-year-old woman and dating a 70-year-old man.
We live an hour apart. He lives on a farm and is divorced. He told me he enjoys his own company. He is very bright and funny. I have only physically seen him four or five times in the past year. He calls me every night at the end of his day, and we talk and laugh for an hour or two.
But he never invites me over. I have suggested we cook together or listen to music for a few holidays. Each time I ask to get together, he puts me off. I’m quite smitten with him, but sometimes I feel like I’m really not that special to him.
— Fizzling Out Affection
Dear Fizzling Out: I don’t blame you. It is going to be really challenging to have a relationship with someone that you never physically see. The nice long phone conversations are great. You can keep those, but by no means make him your number one. He can just be a friend if he doesn’t want to physically spend time with you.