Mismatched marriage mindsets
Dear Annie: I’m having an issue with my partner of six years, “Alex.” I love him deeply, and he’s a truly amazing guy. But we have different views on marriage.
I’ve always dreamed of having a traditional wedding and starting a family. I think weddings are a beautiful way to show your commitment to each other. Alex, on the other hand, is hesitant about marriage due to his parents’ messy divorce.
How do I navigate this situation without sacrificing my own desires or pressuring Alex into something he’s not ready for? I want to respect his feelings while still honoring my own values. Any advice on finding common ground would be appreciated.
— Torn Between Traditions
Dear Torn: Sit down with Alex and have an open, honest conversation about your desires and your concerns. Listen to his perspective, too; what are his fears, exactly? Is there a way for him to overcome them?
Understanding where he’s coming from might help you both find common ground. Maybe there’s a compromise where you can honor your desire for commitment without the pressure of a traditional wedding. A couples counselor can help you two find common ground and create a plan for the future.
Dear Annie: I believe a family member of mine may have an untreated personality disorder. She either loves or hates people, but that can flip in an instant. She is vindictive and punishes people for even a perceived slight. Her punishment can be extremely cruel and calculated. She often dreams up ways to emotionally devastate people. .
It’s emotionally exhausting to be around, but I grew up with her. She was essentially abandoned by her parents and our extended family took her in. We are a very tight-knit immigrant family.
She recently physically attacked me. It was the last straw. I ceased contact. However, she reached out to make amends and apologized, blaming her behavior on stress at work. Unfortunately, I was duped. She’s up to her old tricks, and she can be just as nasty and hateful as ever.
What can I do to keep from falling into this old habit of getting sucked into her whirlwind?
— Tired of the Whirlwind
Dear Tired: I’m sorry you’re experiencing both emotional and now physical abuse from this woman, both of which are unacceptable.
Start by setting boundaries; it’s OK to decline invites to functions where you know she and her spouse will be in attendance. When seeing them is unavoidable, keep your interactions with them very brief. This woman clearly has deep-seated issues, and you can’t fix them for her. Focus on protecting your inner peace.