Creating memories and teaching values
Dear Readers: Many of you wrote in with tips on encouraging children to focus less on material items. Thank you for sharing these terrific suggestions. Here are some of my favorite letters:
Dear Annie: I just read your letter from “Caught in the Middle,” the parent whose daughter is being spoiled by her grandparents and is looking for a polite way to call off the gifts. The letter writer should follow your advice and encourage her mother to start giving memories instead of presents. Whether it’s having a tea party or building a fort or going to the zoo, those are the things her granddaughter will remember.
My grandson has a family member who always gives gifts, and sometimes it’s hard when I don’t do that. But I’m determined to give him memories that will last. When he remembers how he pet the baby deer at the farm, he’ll remember that we took him there. Or how we were at every sporting event that he’s played in, being his loudest supporters. He often brings up some of the things we’ve done. That’s when I know we’ve done the right thing.
— Memories Forever
Dear Annie: Many years ago, my grandfather insisted on gifting us something on every visit. He also kept a change jar, and while we would hold our hands over a bag, he’d pour change until it overflowed in our hands. My mom tempered the generosity by letting us keep an age-appropriate amount to spend and taking us to the bank to deposit the rest in our savings accounts. I’ll always remember my grandfather’s generosity, but I also remember my mom teaching us to save. When we got overloaded with toys at Christmas, we chose several to keep and donated the rest. I am 66 years old and very grateful for these early experiences.
— Feeling Compassion
Dear Annie: I must preface my comment with the fact that I am a 64-year-old woman who has been reading advice columns in newspapers since I was a teenager. Every once in a while, I see a very black-and-white answer to what seems a complicated situation.
If “Caught in the Middle” cannot get her mother-in-law to stop giving gifts, then she should accept them graciously. My niece has dealt with this by talking to her now 5and 8-year-old daughters and telling them they can only have as many toys or “stuffies” as can fit in the huge toy box in their room. As the toy box begins to overflow, they make decisions on what toys they are willing to give to other children.
There are variations on how this can be done, but it teaches children that when they are blessed with an abundance of things, it can feel good to give to children who don’t have as much as they do.