Stretched thin by bridal duties
My future sisterin-law is getting married, and I am a maid of honor. She already had a bridal party where I made food and helped out before and after the event. Now she is having her bachelorette party. Originally, she stated she just wanted a casual night out with the bridal party. It sounded like it would just be an evening event, so we decided on a Saturday that we would all be free. Now another bridesmaid decided it’s going to be more of an all- day affair.
That weekend, there is a fair going on, and my fiance and I park cars at our house for a fee because it is the busiest day of the fair. Since they have changed plans, I will now be missing out on hundreds of dollars that I need. Would it be rude to say that I will meet them later on in the day?
— Broke Bridesmaid
DEAR BROKE BRIDESMAID >> Weddings have evolved over the years to include not only a ceremony, reception and rehearsal dinner but also a bachelorette party, engagement party, bridal shower, etc. As the maid of honor, it is expected that you help out with all of the initially agreed-upon events, but sacrificing multiple weekends and forfeiting money that you don’t have is excessive and uncalled for.
Since the day portion of the event was not originally part of the plan, simply inform the bridal party that you only had the evening blocked off to celebrate and that, unfortunately, you have business to attend to during the day.
DEAR ANNIE >> I enjoyed and wholeheartedly agreed with your advice to “Discouraged Great Aunt,” who persistently invites her relatives to events and functions, which they attend only a fraction of the time. Relationships are a two-way street, and she sounds like a very thoughtful person. I have no idea what the makeup of her nephew’s family is, but if it’s anything like ours (six kids, ages infant through 13 years old), I wanted to add that attending events can be a huge logistical challenge in a large family.
While my husband and I love being parents to so many children, attending events with so many people of varying ages in tow is an event in and of itself. Our usual obligations take more time and thought than when we had a smaller family, so we don’t attend as many extraneous events as we used to, or take off on a whim to visit family and friends as we may have done in the past. However, this is not a bad thing as it allows us to make the events we do partake in more memorable.
I’ve told family and friends that our idea of a good time spent with family now is getting together in our backyard with a pitcher of lemonade to watch the kids play, or meeting halfway between cities at a playground or for a picnic, etc. I love it when a grandparent says, “I’ll be in the area soon. Can I come for supper and bring pizza?”
The little things that don’t take much money or effort matter so much to us. Besides, we’ve found that the majority of magical interactions between children and older relatives come from a child at ease in their normal environment. Thanks, Annie!
— Mom of Many
DEAR MOM OF MANY >> I couldn’t agree with you more. An outing doesn’t have to be super elaborate to be special. At the end of the day, spending time with our loved ones is what matters, and I encourage “Discouraged” to lean into the little, low-pressure moments with her family.