Daughter invites bad ex-boyfriend on birthday vacation
DEAR ANNIE >> My daughter broke up with her boyfriend several months ago. She just recently hooked back up with him. Needless to say, I don’t like him. He is spoiled and rude.
The family was planning a trip for her birthday and she asked if a female friend could come. I told her that would be OK. Now she is telling me that her girlfriend can’t come and that her ex-boyfriend can take her friend’s plane ticket. I told her if he goes, I’ll stay home because I do not want to be around him. She knew this before inviting him to go on the trip. I openly expressed this to her.
Now, my daughter is telling me that she originally invited him to go on this trip if her friend decided not to go. She says I’m being mean and causing her to choose between him and me!
I’m not sure what to do — either stick to my original decision, as I truly don’t like him, or try to put up with him for the five days we will be on our trip.
— Unhappy Mom
DEAR UNHAPPY MOM >> Difficult as it might be to feign excitement with this man tagging along, the only person who loses out by not going on this trip is you. As much as you don’t like him or the situation, you’ll likely feel worse if you don’t go and miss out on celebrating your daughter’s birthday.
Do your best to be cordial and enjoy the time with her and the rest of your family. If she decides she wants to be with this man again long term, you will have to figure out a way to accept their relationship as best you can for as long as they are together. If you don’t, I fear you will only continue to lose more and more of your daughter.
DEAR ANNIE >> My name is “Stephanie,” and my husband’s name is “Travis.” Travis and I have been married for 27 years. About six months ago, I was blindsided with divorce papers. He and his mom made the decision. Yes, you read that right. Anyhow, my husband and I still live together, and the divorce has not moved forward for various reasons. His entire family has completely disowned me, with the exception of my fatherin-law, who didn’t get involved.
Travis’ father, my father-inlaw, suddenly passed away recently. It was heartbreaking. I sent food, etc. because that is who I am. When the obituary came out online and in the paper, my name wasn’t in it. My husband’s name and our children’s names were, of course, but my name wasn’t. I am so hurt by this. My father-in-law and I always had a good relationship, and I feel like Travis and his mother did it out of spite..
How could people be so cruel? How do I move past this? What are your thoughts? Thank you.
— “Stephanie” Left Out in PA
DEAR STEPHANIE >> I’m sorry for the loss of your father-in-law, especially during an already difficult time for you and your marriage. After almost three decades of calling Travis’ family your own, you have every right to feel hurt, excluded and disrespected by their behavior. Ultimately, this action speaks much louder of their character than of yours.
Initiate a conversation with Travis to express how this exclusion made you feel and establish a way to interact and cohabit as you move toward finalizing the divorce. It is disappointing that the people you’ve been closest to have started to act in unrecognizable ways, but remember, you can only control your reactions and behavior. Lean on your true friends and loved ones while you grieve both your father-in-law and your marriage.