How small is your small town? Is it small or SMALL?

Thereare small towns, and then there are SMALL TOWNS. In a small town, if you order a pizza to be delivered from the local pizza restaurant, chances are you know the delivery driver, or at least know someone from his family.

In a SMALL TOWN, you can’t order a pizza from the local pizza restaurant, because there is no local pizza restaurant. If you want restaurant pizza, you have to go to another town and order and eat your pizza there, or you bring it back to your SMALL TOWN and eat it cold.

In a small town, if you get sick you go to the local clinic (or hospital) and check in with the doctor who sees most of the people in town.

In a SMALL TOWN there is no clinic or hospital, so if you get sick you call the gal down the road who works as a nurse in the city and hope it’s her day off, or you load up in your car and drive to the nearest town that does have a clinic or hospital.

In a small town, if you need a tool for that project you’re working on, you go over to the local True Value store, chat with the manager (who you went to school with) and buy the tool.

In a SMALL TOWN, if you need a tool, you try to figure which of your neighbors is most likely to have the tool, go to his house (or shed), ask him if you can borrow it, then spend a couple of hours chatting before taking his tool and getting back to your project.

In a small town, several of your neighbors have a cow or two in their backyard pasture.

In a SMALL TOWN, there are at least three times as many cows as people living within city limits.

In a small town, if you are making a recipe and find that you are missing one key ingredient, you make a quick run to the grocery store to buy that ingredient.

In a SMALL TOWN, if you are missing an ingredient for a recipe, you will be forced to improvise and try to figure out what you have around the house that might effectively take the place of the missing ingredient.

In a small town you know which houses have mean dogs and which houses have nice dogs.

In a SMALL TOWN you know the name, disposition and breeding history of all the dogs in town. (And you know the name, disposition and breeding history of all the people, too!)

For more Funny-ish writing, check out slowjoe40.com.

The Art City Elementary School Student Council elections were held on Sept. 30. The council is made up of a president, a vice president, a secretary and a historian. The following students are Art City Elementary School’s Student Council for the...