Things you find in every doctor’s office
I recently visited the doctor’s office. While there, I realized that every doctor’s office looks the same. It’s like they all have a subscription to “Doctor’s Office Decor” magazine.
Here are 10 things you’ll find in every doctor’s office:
1. A coffee table full of magazines. These are mostly magazines you’d never have in your home, like “Diabetic Living,” “Parents Today,” “Highlights,” and, of course, “Doctor’s Office Decor.” Yes, there might be a stray “Sports Illustrated” or “Time,” but mostly it’s “Eating Well,” or “AARP: The Magazine.”
2. A corner designated for kid toys. By “kid toys,” I mean those bead mazes that features colorful beads on curvy, bright colored wires. The kind that kids will play with for two minutes before getting bored.
3. A television showing a kids’ movie. Gotta keep those kids quiet and entertained.
4. A screen (television or computer) showing some kind of health infotainment. This will show about 10 or 15 minutes of “how to stay healthy” information on a loop. Most people will pay attention to it for about 45 seconds.
5. Large, soothing framed pictures on the wall. Whether they are photographs or paintings, these pictures are usually either nature scenes or abstract art. (Because pictures of sick people probably wouldn’t be the best idea.)
6. Little glass jars full of tongue depressors and cotton balls. Someone, somewhere, thinks that there is a nearly unlimited amount of tongues that need to be depressed. But why glass jars? (“If only I could find those tongue depressors,” said no doctor ever.)
7. A small desk with a computer and a short little chair/stool on wheels. Apparently, it’s important for health care professionals to be able to roll to any spot in the examination room. Also, would it kill them to have some internet access on those computers?
It might help keep the patients from losing their patience as they wait for the doctor.
8. The medical waste disposal box for old syringes. If you touch this, you will die!
9. Rubber glove dispenser. Strangely enough, the rubber gloves just stay in the box they came in, unlike the tongue depressors.
10. The three-and-a-half-foot long examination “bed.” This is the centerpiece of every examination room. The “bed” is so high off the ground that if you sit on it, your feet will dangle.
And the “bed” is so short that if you lay down on it (even after pulling out the extension that makes it four-anda-half feet long) your feet will dangle. (Apparently, they really want your feet to dangle.)
Also, I’m thinking about getting some wax paper to cover my bed at home. (It would save a lot of time and effort in washing the sheets.) For more funny-ish stuff, check out slowjoe40.com.