Carolyn and Tillman
Humans are social by nature; in fact, we need the company of others. Despite the misgivings we may have concerning social media, it has provided a way of maintaining contact with the human race, however superficial it may be.
When I started to research my family histories, I found the website FindAGrave.com. The site provides a way of preserving cemeteries and memorials with photos, biographies and links to family members. The author who created the digital grave is recorded as well, along with their profile. The profile records the memorials created, and other activities, such as transferring a memorial to another “graver.” As I virtually searched through cemeteries in west Texas and eastern New Mexico, I kept coming across one name: Carolyn MackeyByrum. I soon realized she had recorded and memorialized 10s of thousands of graves in hundreds of cemeteries. She had contributed thousands of photos. Many of the graves she digitally created were of my kin. She gladly transferred them to me upon request. She lived in Lovington, N.M., which is very close to where I grew up.
We started comparing notes on different cemeteries and other genealogical information, and in the process, became online friends. She was married to Tillman, her second husband, and the love of her life. In her emails, she would sometimes allude to some long-time discord between her and some family members. I got the impression that Carolyn and Tillman were isolated from other members of their families. Carolyn was a “no-nonsense” type of person when it came to the rules of FindAGrave, and she did not suffer fools gladly! I told her that someday I would go out to my old homestead and hoped to visit with her and Tillman. Maybe we could do some grave walking together. It sounded like a good plan for her!
Tillman became ill with multiple myeloma and cardiac amyloidosis, both severe conditions. A procedure was available to help him possibly. However, it required him to be at a certain weight, which he was having difficulty obtaining. I sent her some enzymes as they help get more calories from the diet. Her next communication, several months later, contained the good news that he had turned the corner and was better. She was sure the enzymes had helped and wanted to know if she could keep getting them. I sent a few bottles every so often, no charge.
About a year later, she sent an email telling of Tillman’s death at age 64. The myeloma came out of remission with a vengeance. I was sad for Carolyn
and vowed to stay in touch. One day, months later, I had the urge to send her an email. Almost immediately, I got a reply. I had happened to email her on the first anniversary of Tillman’s death, which I had not realized. She said I cheered her up and was hoping for better days.
Six months later, I was going through some FindAGrave entries and clicked on Carolyn’s profile. A message had been added to the top of her page saying that, sadly, this member had passed away. I was dumbstruck. Her date of death was two months after my last email to her. Her obituary stated very little, only her age of 65, and the date of birth and death. There had been no service, and her remains cremated. All attempts to contact her family or friends failed. Had she been ill? Was she so depressed that she took her life? I may never know.
I still often search FindAGrave. Invariably I run across a memorial created by Carolyn. It saddens me for a minute, but her legacy lives on in the work she contributed for so many. On the page that memorializes her passing, many notes of appreciation appear. I am sorry I never got to meet her.
She left a note on her husband’s memorial. “Those we love don’t go away; they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near. Still loved, still missed, and very dear. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, but leaves a memory no one can steal.”
I hope Carolyn and Tillman are walking together again.
— Devin Houston is the president/CEO of Houston Enzymes. Send comments or questions to devin. houston@gmail.com. The opinions expressed are those of the author.