Siloam Springs Herald Leader

Global warming, ‘UFOs’ and Super Bowl entertainm­ent

- DOUG CHASTAIN

According to recent studies by the National Oceanic and Atmospheri­c Administra­tion (NOAA) and the National Aeronautic­s and Space Administra­tion (NASA), there has been no global warming for the last eight years. I’m not really sure what that means, except maybe there has been no global warming for the last eight years.

Notice I didn’t say “climate change.” I’m pretty sure that throughout the history of our planet, the climate has constantly been changing. As I understand it, Greenland was once, well, green. And at another time in earth’s history, glaciers a mile high ranged across the North American continent like migratory mountains.

All of that being understood, the evidence that the earth is turning into the surface of Venus is a little thin. I’m all for saving the planet, but we should exercise enough common sense to figure out what is actually happening, and what is actually doable about it.

• • •

After a U.S. fighter plane splashed a Chinese “weather” balloon off the east coast recently, everybody breathed a sigh of relief and assumed we could get back to basketball. Wrong.

Almost immediatel­y, radar “bogies” began to pop up all over the map like lightning bugs on a warm summer evening. Some of them we shot down. Others we just watched. And it appears this swarm has been going on for a while. Meanwhile, some government genius used the very last phrase you want to use in a situation like this — “unidentifi­ed flying objects” — and we were off to the races.

“Are they extraterre­strials?”

“Are we about to start an interstell­ar war?”

“I hope they bring back Elvis.”

Other government officials assured us that we weren’t being visited by aliens, which causes me to wonder if we are, in fact, being visited by aliens, considerin­g how trustworth­y some government spokespeop­le are. If that were the case, however, I believe it is less likely that we were being visited by interstell­ar aliens than by interdimen­sional ones. (Hat tip to Henry Jones, Jr.)

• • •

The Super Bowl was played recently, and turned out to be a pretty competitiv­e matchup.

My interest in the Super Bowl, like many other folks, is mainly the music, given my background, so that is what I focus on. And this year’s event had a lot to focus on.

Sheryl Lee Ralph did an acceptable job on “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” in a Milli Vanilli sort of way. I suspect the effect would not have been so jarring without the camera closeups of her face.

Speaking of lip-syncing, Chris Stapleton was definitely not doing that during his soulful rendition of the “Star Spangled Banner.” His presentati­on may have been one of the best in Super Bowl history.

Then there was Rihanna. Now, I’m not an expert on current Pop Music, so I’ll leave it to others to assess her vocal performanc­e. I just have one question: what was the deal with her back-up dancers? Haz-mat suits? Did I miss a memo?

Maybe the best descriptio­n of her dancing entourage came from a Facebook friend I have named Rancy Sharp: Oompa Loompas.

Until next time: Treat others the way you want to be treated — whether they deserve it or not.

Doug Chastain is a retired teacher and is currently a largevehic­le transporta­tion specialist for the Siloam Springs School District. (Okay, he drives a bus.) He is also a grass maintenanc­e technician at Camp Siloam. (Yeah, he mows the lawn.) You can contact him at dougchasta­in@gmail.com. The opinions expressed are those of the author.

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