It’s Only My Opinion
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Daytime’s most outspoken columnist returns!
■ There are two ways to showcase a secret on soaps: Let viewers in on it, or shock us.
■ GH is letting us in on the action, and it’s working. Psycho Ryan bopped twin brother Dr. Kevin Collins on the head and impersonated him, which has been funny and creepy at the same time.
Lucy: “I will never forgive myself for throwing our marriage away for a fling with Scott Baldwin.”
Ryan (shocked, as Kevin): “Oh, my God!”
Lucy was like “huh?” until Ryan covered by saying the memory of her cheating “sneaks up on him.” Ryan’s end game is Felicia, of course — the woman he’s been obsessed with for 25 years. My money’s on Felicia figuring out “Kevin” is really her stalker, but Kevin’s wife Laura will also have something to say about that now that she’s home. Luke had a doppelgänger, too (Bill Eckert), so Laura’s seen this movie before.
The baby switch is inspired, too. They keep crossing Brad/lucas with Michael, playing on the relationship between Michael and “their” son, who is really his.
Michael (holding Wiley): “Remember me? I’m your cousin Michael.”
Carly: “You’re a natural.”
Michael: “It’s weird. My feelings are more paternal; like an uncle. Would have been nice, Jonah and Wiley playing together. I find peace being close to this little guy.”
That’s because Wiley is Jonah — and he has the same heart defect as his real dad, Michael. Uh-oh.
The body at Charlie’s turned out to be DA Margaux’s dad (good), Nina’s kid is alive and out there (great), but Oscar’s brain tumor fell flat. All of a sudden the kid fainted and it was “revealed” he’s dying and his mother knew and never told anyone? And Oscar never questioned the headaches or doctor visits or googled his symptoms?
“So sorry about Oscar,” said Franco to Drew on the phone as Cameron eavesdropped. Franco also conveniently left open his computer to the page Port Charles Children’s Brain Tumor Institute just to drive it home since Cameron was
Newcomers must be integrated slowly for us to care about them.
recently aged. So, nobody knew and all of a sudden everyone knew.
And then there’s this:
Nina: “What was it like finding out Peter was your son?”
Anna: “Fraught.”
Ah yes, the third, less effective way to spill a secret on soaps: With newly created story that disregards history. ■ How does Anna’s Sudden Son differ from John’s Not Jack’s Dad on Y&R, which undid 40 years of storyline? For one thing, Dina was
established as a cheater long ago when Ashley’s father was revealed to be Brent Davis. For another, the country-club harlot dished all kinds of dirt as her memory faded. From a show standpoint, making Y&R’S two greatest enemies into possible brothers is genius.
Victor: “I understand you’re prying into my family business.”
Jack: “I’m interested in my family tree, not yours.”
Victor: “Cut the crap.”
Victor forbid his brother Matt from providing DNA to Jack but changed his mind to prove Jack wrong. “What if I’m your brother?” taunted Jack.
If he is, Y&R just got 40 more years of story.
Conversely, they kept newbie Rey’s identity as a cop under wraps, making him out to be a sinister stalker with a vision board of people who might know where J.T. is. (Answer: six feet under.) I guess we’re supposed to like Rey since they gave him an immediate family (Arturo and Lola) but he took over the show too fast for my taste. Newcomers must be integratyou ed slowly for us to care about them — that’s Soaps 101 — and never at the expense of a beloved 40-year veteran like Doug Davidson (Paul).
Once Rey was revealed to be law enforcement, he offered Sharon a job at PCPD to keep an eye on her. Sharon accepted to keep an eye on his investigation into J.T.’S “disappearance.” Dueling secrets...
But as puzzlers go, who knew Sharon has been going to college all this time? Guess she was studying off-screen while running the coffeehouse, seducing Nick and covering up a murder. Busy, busy.
■ The biggest secret rattling around B&B is that Taylor shot Bill, which they have totally dropped. Next up is Ridge lining up his old pal as the judge in Bill and Katie’s custody hearing, which seems like good payback for Bill throwing Ridge out of a helicopter and sleeping with his daughter.
Judge Mcmullen: “I owe so much of my career to you. If there’s ever any way I can repay you, say the word.”
Ridge: “There is something can do...”
Logic would dictate that a judge would recuse himself from a case involving the brother of the guy who put him through law school, but it’s a soap so we’ll just move along.
■ Logic is being tested on DAYS, too — it’s all babies and doppelgängers. Lani initially lied about her child’s father, while Gabi switched the paternity test on Abigail’s baby. Then came Bonnie’s bundle of joy...
Adrienne: “You couldn’t tell you were having sex with another woman?”
Lucas: “You and Bonnie look a hell of a lot alike and I was really drunk.”
Point taken! A less effective surprise was John, Roman and Kayla switching comatose Marlena with her look-alike Hattie. Their scheme depended on Marlena’s kids not noticing that mom went from loving sage to fast-talking cartoon. Hattie (as Marlena): “Did you ask for the ‘Sorry I almost killed my mom’ bouquet? Next time get me gladiolas.” Belle (confused): “Your favorite flowers are lilacs.”
You could forgive Belle for not suspecting mom was swapped out if there weren’t
two other look-alikes running around Salem (Adrienne/ Bonnie and Kristen/susan). Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing — and that’s no secret.
■ Hey. opinion. It’s only my