It’s Only My Opin­ion

Fol­low Carolyn on Twit­ter @car­olyn­hin­sey

Soap Opera Digest - - CONTENTS - By Carolyn Hin­sey

Day­time’s most out­spo­ken colum­nist!

■ Soaps need to pay more attention to the way they por­tray women. One-note sex­pots, lu­natics and bad­dies don’t cut it in 2018.

■ On Y&R, we lost strong, smart, vul­ner­a­ble Ash­ley and gained the horny, es­tranged wife of new­bie cop Rey. It was not a fair trade. Pit­ting her against Sharon, who’s been a main­stay for over 20 years, didn’t help.

Mia: “I hope the ceil­ing is sound­proof — our re­union could get a lit­tle loud. Just to be clear? Rey’s mine.”

Sharon: “I’m not in­ter­ested.”

Mia: “Cut the crap, you want him bad. You can’t have him. Back off.”

Who talks like that? More to the point, who wants to watch some­one who talks like that? We don’t know Rey or like him since he’s threat­en­ing to bust the cream of Genoa City’s fe­male crop. So bring­ing on his over­sexed ex does noth­ing to help his root­ing value.

Con­trast Mia’s lech­er­ous lan­guage with the care Y&R puts into the afore­men­tioned lead­ing ladies Sharon, Nikki, Vic­to­ria and Phyl­lis.

Phyl­lis: “This ca­bal of ours is over. I’m out.”

A “ca­bal” is a group in­volved in a se­cret plot, which tracks with them bury­ing J.T. and cov­er­ing it up. But I still pre­fer “coven” — a gath­er­ing of witches who cast spells. It takes spe­cial powers for Phyl­lis to just an­nounce she’s out (Good luck with that!) while re­bound­ing from Billy sleep­ing with her daugh­ter and man­ag­ing to take over Jabot — all while spew­ing Grade A Clas­sic Lines. “How much for cof­fee with­out an at­ti­tude?” she snarked to Tessa be­fore say­ing to Nick, “Lit­tle Miss Mil­len­nial is get­ting a lit­tle too big for her britches.”

Let’s have more of that! ■ And more of Brooke Logan get­ting her groove back on B&B.

Bill: “If there’s a con­nec- tion be­tween Ridge and the judge, I will find it.”

Brooke: “You’re changed, right? Act like it.”

Gone is the snivel­ing blonde who al­ways needed a man and only showed her spine when cat­fight­ing with Tay­lor or hor­ri­fy­ing Stephanie (Brooke’s Bed­room!).

This Brooke is con­fi­dent enough to go to lunch alone

One-note sex­pots, lu­natics and bad­dies donõt cut it in 2018.

at Il Giardino and try to quell Bill’s sus­pi­cions about Ridge af­ter he cor­nered her. Thorne: “Did you give Bill any in­di­ca­tion that his hunch was right?”

Brooke: “Of course, not! I would never be­tray my hus­band.”

Well, not this week any­way.

I’m also here for Quinn bat­tling Pam and Donna, who some­how think they have a claim on the For­rester man­sion be­cause Pam’s

sis­ter used to live there and Donna used to pour honey on Eric there.

Eric: “I don’t want your per­sonal dis­agree­ments to be­come is­sues here at the of­fice.”

Quinn: “I don’t mean to be rude, but Pam’s the sec­re­tary. She an­swers phones and runs er­rands.”

Rude, but not wrong. Both Pam and Quinn re­bounded from be­ing cer­ti­fi­ably in­sane, but I’m not sure that’s in the cards for whiny Emma. She told Xan­der she had to break up with him be­cause she was not ready to “make love” and needed to “fo­cus on my work and my danc­ing” about a week af­ter her friend cau­tioned her not to stalk him. Huh? It’s like B&B threw Emma, Zoe and Xan­der against the wall to see what would stick and none of it did. Next time, de­cide which girl is the vil­lain first — and leave out the dead cat.

■ Carly’s been a sex­pot, lu­natic and vil­lain on GH, adding up to a force­ful babe 20 years later. She’s not even fazed when a sev­ered head pops up while she’s bob­bing for ap­ples.

Chase: “You’re a per­son of in­ter­est.”

Carly: “I have no in­ten­tion of leav­ing town. On the other hand, you might want to fig­ure out how half of Mary Pat ended up hold­ing my hair.”

Half of Mary Pat! Only on soaps ....

Ava, Nina, Maxie, Laura, Mon­ica, even Joss­lyn have all proven to be tough when backed into a cor­ner. And say what you want about Nelle, the lay­ered loon gave birth alone in the woods and handed the baby to Brad rather than let Michael raise him as a fi­nal slap to his fam­ily. She even posed as a men­tal pa­tient at Fern­cliff to keep Sam and Ja­son from find­ing Kevin. “It worked for Carly,” Nelle shrugged af­ter she got caught.

■ DAYS’S Kate got caught drug­ging Abi­gail’s tea, which was atyp­i­cal for the pro­fes­sional bad­die.

Abi­gail: “I only mar­ried Ste­fan be­cause I was try­ing to keep my­self out of a men- tal in­sti­tu­tion.”

Kate: “Drink your tea.”

Sub­tle! Try­ing to se­date a preg­nant woman was bad even for Kate, but align­ing herself with the care­less Gabi al­most brought her down. “I’m not tak­ing the fall,” spat Kate to Gabi. “You are.”

I’m okay with Gabi learn­ing vil­lainy at Kate’s knee, but dop­pel­gängers Su­san and Hat­tie are too car­toon-y for 2018. While we wait for DAYS to fig­ure out how to po­si­tion Hope as the de­served heart of the show, I’m good with role mod­els Mar­lena, Julie, Belle (when she’s not be­ing so tech­ni­cal about the law that she kills her mother) and, of course, take-no-pris­on­ers Sami. “How’s mar­riage to your brother’s slutty exwife?” Sami asked Ste­fan be­fore pulling to­gether an im­promptu wed­ding at Hor­ton Square for John and Mar­lena af­ter her mom came back to life (again).

Mar­lena: “This is the place that the plaque for Tom and Alice was ded­i­cated. They showed me what mar­riage re­ally is ... I will de­light in you all the days of our lives.”

John: “Ev­ery time I marry you, I think, ‘This was the best one ever.’ ”

Per­son­ally, I liked their ’80s wed­ding where Mar­i­lyn Mc­coo sang “Up Where We Be­long” and Mar­lena wore a weep­ing willow tree as a hat.

That’s some­thing else that won’t work in 2018.

■ Hey. It’s only my opin­ion.

Scheme Team: DAYS’S Kate (Lau­ren Koslow, r.) and Gabi (Camila Banus) are good at be­ing bad.

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