It’s Only My Opinion
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Daytime’s most outspoken columnist!
■ Soaps need to pay more attention to the way they portray women. One-note sexpots, lunatics and baddies don’t cut it in 2018.
■ On Y&R, we lost strong, smart, vulnerable Ashley and gained the horny, estranged wife of newbie cop Rey. It was not a fair trade. Pitting her against Sharon, who’s been a mainstay for over 20 years, didn’t help.
Mia: “I hope the ceiling is soundproof — our reunion could get a little loud. Just to be clear? Rey’s mine.”
Sharon: “I’m not interested.”
Mia: “Cut the crap, you want him bad. You can’t have him. Back off.”
Who talks like that? More to the point, who wants to watch someone who talks like that? We don’t know Rey or like him since he’s threatening to bust the cream of Genoa City’s female crop. So bringing on his oversexed ex does nothing to help his rooting value.
Contrast Mia’s lecherous language with the care Y&R puts into the aforementioned leading ladies Sharon, Nikki, Victoria and Phyllis.
Phyllis: “This cabal of ours is over. I’m out.”
A “cabal” is a group involved in a secret plot, which tracks with them burying J.T. and covering it up. But I still prefer “coven” — a gathering of witches who cast spells. It takes special powers for Phyllis to just announce she’s out (Good luck with that!) while rebounding from Billy sleeping with her daughter and managing to take over Jabot — all while spewing Grade A Classic Lines. “How much for coffee without an attitude?” she snarked to Tessa before saying to Nick, “Little Miss Millennial is getting a little too big for her britches.”
Let’s have more of that! ■ And more of Brooke Logan getting her groove back on B&B.
Bill: “If there’s a connec- tion between Ridge and the judge, I will find it.”
Brooke: “You’re changed, right? Act like it.”
Gone is the sniveling blonde who always needed a man and only showed her spine when catfighting with Taylor or horrifying Stephanie (Brooke’s Bedroom!).
This Brooke is confident enough to go to lunch alone
One-note sexpots, lunatics and baddies donõt cut it in 2018.
at Il Giardino and try to quell Bill’s suspicions about Ridge after he cornered her. Thorne: “Did you give Bill any indication that his hunch was right?”
Brooke: “Of course, not! I would never betray my husband.”
Well, not this week anyway.
I’m also here for Quinn battling Pam and Donna, who somehow think they have a claim on the Forrester mansion because Pam’s
sister used to live there and Donna used to pour honey on Eric there.
Eric: “I don’t want your personal disagreements to become issues here at the office.”
Quinn: “I don’t mean to be rude, but Pam’s the secretary. She answers phones and runs errands.”
Rude, but not wrong. Both Pam and Quinn rebounded from being certifiably insane, but I’m not sure that’s in the cards for whiny Emma. She told Xander she had to break up with him because she was not ready to “make love” and needed to “focus on my work and my dancing” about a week after her friend cautioned her not to stalk him. Huh? It’s like B&B threw Emma, Zoe and Xander against the wall to see what would stick and none of it did. Next time, decide which girl is the villain first — and leave out the dead cat.
■ Carly’s been a sexpot, lunatic and villain on GH, adding up to a forceful babe 20 years later. She’s not even fazed when a severed head pops up while she’s bobbing for apples.
Chase: “You’re a person of interest.”
Carly: “I have no intention of leaving town. On the other hand, you might want to figure out how half of Mary Pat ended up holding my hair.”
Half of Mary Pat! Only on soaps ....
Ava, Nina, Maxie, Laura, Monica, even Josslyn have all proven to be tough when backed into a corner. And say what you want about Nelle, the layered loon gave birth alone in the woods and handed the baby to Brad rather than let Michael raise him as a final slap to his family. She even posed as a mental patient at Ferncliff to keep Sam and Jason from finding Kevin. “It worked for Carly,” Nelle shrugged after she got caught.
■ DAYS’S Kate got caught drugging Abigail’s tea, which was atypical for the professional baddie.
Abigail: “I only married Stefan because I was trying to keep myself out of a men- tal institution.”
Kate: “Drink your tea.”
Subtle! Trying to sedate a pregnant woman was bad even for Kate, but aligning herself with the careless Gabi almost brought her down. “I’m not taking the fall,” spat Kate to Gabi. “You are.”
I’m okay with Gabi learning villainy at Kate’s knee, but doppelgängers Susan and Hattie are too cartoon-y for 2018. While we wait for DAYS to figure out how to position Hope as the deserved heart of the show, I’m good with role models Marlena, Julie, Belle (when she’s not being so technical about the law that she kills her mother) and, of course, take-no-prisoners Sami. “How’s marriage to your brother’s slutty exwife?” Sami asked Stefan before pulling together an impromptu wedding at Horton Square for John and Marlena after her mom came back to life (again).
Marlena: “This is the place that the plaque for Tom and Alice was dedicated. They showed me what marriage really is ... I will delight in you all the days of our lives.”
John: “Every time I marry you, I think, ‘This was the best one ever.’ ”
Personally, I liked their ’80s wedding where Marilyn Mccoo sang “Up Where We Belong” and Marlena wore a weeping willow tree as a hat.
That’s something else that won’t work in 2018.
■ Hey. It’s only my opinion.
Scheme Team: DAYS’S Kate (Lauren Koslow, r.) and Gabi (Camila Banus) are good at being bad.