My It’s Only Opinion
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■ Let’s hear it for secrets! The good, the bad, the big and the funny.
■ Ridge’s collusion with the judge to ensure Bill lost custody of Will stayed under wraps for about one minute on B&B. After catching the dopes in the act, Bill called all the perpetrators into his office and gave them one of those speeches Jessica Fletcher used to deliver on MURDER, SHE WROTE. He ended with, “What Ridge did was criminal, am I right, judge?”
“Gulp,” responded the judge.
After some quality chestpuffing about how he’s a different man since he took off his sword necklace (!), Bill backed off.
Ridge: “You having fun giving us speeches about your little necklace? What’s the catch?”
Duh, he wants his ex-wife back. “The change in me is about you, Brooke,” cooed Bill. It felt like romance rerun (Katie! Brooke! Steffy!) until his son crystallized Bill’s m.o.
Liam: “You’re playing the long game to get Brooke back — another married woman. You have so much that the only things left for you to want are someone else’s.”
Wow. Whoever wrote that line should get a bonus and a free ride on Bill’s helicopter without being tossed into the ocean.
■ DAYS’S Ciara should have tossed Claire and Tripp out looong before their scheme to frame Ben unraveled.
Let’s hear it for secrets! The good, the bad, the big and the funny.
Tripp: “What if he doesn’t keep his mouth shut?”
Claire: “Money talks.”
Not very loudly. Ben told Ciara that Tripp was behind the crime in the very next scene.
Since the Marlena/hattie switch was revealed, the secrets in Salem are mostly just lies (Gabi faking Abigail’s DID, Charlotte’s paternity test, the attack at the loony bin, etc.) but I did enjoy Kate trying to bail her son out after Sarah learned he cheated.
Kate: “I’m going to tell Sarah that you were very drunk and Mimi took advantage of you.”
Rex: “That’s not what happened.”
Kate: “You’re not leaving me with a lot of ammo.”
Ha! Tying “newbies” Sarah and Rex to Bonnie, Mimi and Kate integrated them well, despite the coverup starting off-screen, which is never as effective.
■ There are no bigger cover-ups than Nikki, Victoria, Phyllis and Sharon burying J.T. on Y&R.
Tessa (showing security footage): “Your mom and the others took J.T. to Chancellor Park to bury him.”
Mariah: “We have no proof J.T. was in that rug.”
Oh, sweetie. Turned out J.T. had secretly installed cameras at Victoria’s, which ironically recorded his death.
So Tessa — a noted grifter and plagiarizer — noticed that the coven was meeting for “charity events” and Sharon didn’t want her chatting with Rey at the coffee shop, randomly found the security tapes, and solved the murder.
Which was imported cop Rey’s job but he was too busy being led around by the, um, nose by his horny wife, Mia. That’s some crack police department they’ve got there. (Paging Paul Williams .... )
Worse, the Jaboutique launch party was hijacked by Mia “revealing” she cheated on Rey with his brother Arturo when they lived in Miami.
Mia (shoving their wedding pic in Rey’s face): “See this? I never go anywhere without it!”
Rey: “You take that to Arturo’s place when you hooked up?”
Probably, considering the newbie sexpot carried a framed glass wedding photo in her purse to the Jaboutique party. Memo to Y&R: That triangle is a nonstarter. Arturo was on the right track after being Nikki’s secret lover and dating her stepdaughter Abby, but gloomy Rey and his oversexed spouse cannot carry this show. You have to make us care about new characters before they take over — especially if one is a bumbling detective.
■ Speaking of cops being dumb, the PCPD called in the local serial killer on GH for advice on how to catch the local serial killer.
Jordan: “Can we continue to use you as a resource? We’ll be taking full advantage of your expertise.”
Ryan (posing as Kevin): “It’s crucial you keep me advised of your investigation. That way we can stay one step ahead of the killer.”
I’m all for whoppers dragging on, but it’s getting ridiculous when Kevin’s wife basically just says okay when he dumps her (C’mon, Laura!), and no one at the hospital questions any of “Kevin’s” diagnoses.
That said, I did enjoy The Mystery of Mary Pat’s Head dovetailing into The Secret of Margaux’s Dad’s Murder.
Carly (to Margaux): “Jordan cleared me. You might know that if you were in closer communication with your police department instead of taking a road trip to sort out your family’s dirty laundry.”
That “road trip” gave us Sonny’s dream, which taught us three things: Sonny would be just as conflicted if he was a cop, Dante plays a great bad guy (“Nothing personal,” he sneered as he shot Jason) and Sam looks really pretty in sparkly eye shadow.
Little secrets wrapped around a big one can ripple for months, like Michael’s “dead” baby being raised by Brad and Lucas. Every time any of them cross paths it’s a big matzoh ball hanging out there — they’re just one hereditary disease away from the truth.
Ditto Charlotte being behind Aiden’s bullying, which has been surprisingly compelling for a story featuring kids. I credit Franco, who proves every day that you’re never too young to hide things from your mother. Franco (after counseling Aiden not to take Liz’s stress personally): “Here’s a dollar so you don’t tell your mom we had this conversation. And here’s another dollar so you don’t tell her I gave you a dollar.”
Small secrets work, too, especially when they involve good characters, humor and money. Maybe Dante’s off living a secret life with Sam and her eyeshadow?
■ Hey. It’s only my opinion.
Frame Job: It’s hard to care about Rey (Jordi Vilasuso) and Mia’s (Noemi Rodriguez) marital issues on Y&R.