It’s Only My Opinion
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Daytime’s most outspoken columnist!
■ The best soaps cranked up the action over the holidays to lure lapsed fans back with their faves.
■ Santa came early on DAYS to give Abigail her groove back, and he stayed through New Year’s to bring back her dad (Jack!).
Chad: “It’s better to give than to receive.”
Julie: “Who the hell said that?”
The writers, who picked the hap-happiest season of all to bust Gabi for her lie that Stefan was Charlotte’s father. A snooping Julie discovered the DNA test in Gabi’s room, so naturally Gabi had to throw her down a flight of stairs and give her amnesia.
Doug (at comatose Julie’s bedside): “You have to come back to me. Please, sweetheart!”
Julie’s eyes fluttered and the very next day she went to a party. It was a Christmas miracle.
Over at the Dimera house, Abby admitted she’d been faking her love for Stefan to escape the loony bin and gifted him with divorce papers: “Merry Christmas, you son of a bitch.” She then headed straight to the Horton house for an “I am woman, hear me roar” moment next to Tom and Alice’s inspirational ornaments.
Abby: “I’m Abigail Deveraux and I make the decisions about my life.”
Jennifer (who recently committed her daughter): “Gulp.”
Julie: “Surprise!”
That party had it all — until Julie remembered she had seen the name “Chad” listed as Charlotte’s father on the DNA test.
Gabi: “I can explain.”
Abigail (slapping “Explain this, bitch!”
The moment could have devolved into full-on DYNASTY campiness, but DAYS humanized it by showing the toll Gabi’s lies had taken on Chad (who split from Abby and distanced himself from Charlotte, thinking the baby wasn’t his). her): Chad (to Gabi): “I understand why, in some twisted way, you’d want to do that to Abigail. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why you’d want to do that to me.”
Stefan wasn’t thrilled, either.
Stefan: “The baby’s not mine.”
Ben: “That’s cold.”
Actually, the only thing cold about those riveting
We needed a little more truth this season, told by people we know.
scenes was interrupting them with JJ trying to convince a stranger not to commit suicide (all together now: who cares) and the silliness of Leo continuing to “force” Sonny into marriage.
I’m also not a fan of the “shoot the messenger” argument so prevalent lately on soaps. “Don’t ruin my little girl’s Christmas!” shrieked Gabi when Chad threatened to call the police. No — Gabi ruined Ari’s Christmas by drugging Abigail and lying
that her DID was back and changing Charlotte’s paternity test and pushing Julie down the stairs.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
■ B&B told the same story with Taylor, arguing that a pregnant Hope ruined Christmas by insisting Steffy’s murderous mom stay away. Again, no — Taylor ruined the holiday (and all future family “fun”) by shooting Bill in cold blood.
Liam (to Steffy): “I’ll always be here for you and Kelly.”
Even when her mom shoots his dad! Taylor has a curious defender in gambler Reese, a doctor who managed to take over the show despite having no skills, relationship to core characters, or redeeming qualities.
Reese: “She’s a kind, caring, principled woman.”
Brooke: “Then you don’t know Taylor very well.”
That didn’t stop the bad doctor from inserting himself into the show’s longest rivalry to stick up for the trigger-happy Taylor.
Physician, heal thyself.
■ I had high hopes for the traditional Abbott/newman extravaganza on Y&R, but it was mostly coal this year. The worst was some techno lip-syncing mess with two strangers exploring “the craft of songwriting” while making a record.
Fen: “That was incredible!”
Ana: “It really was.”
No, it wasn’t. It did not advance story, and we don’t know you. Oh, and Fen’s a jerk. “I don’t need luck,” he bragged to Ana. “It’s talent, and I have plenty of it.”
Ugh. How can Y&R recast another son belonging to Lauren and not play him with her? Did they learn nothing from Scott’s flameout last year?
Elsewhere, a host of other strangers did things we don’t care about. Mia (the rudest newbie in decades) recommended “anti-aging tips” to Abby ... Arturo gave Abby a parka ... Kyle gave Lola an expensive purse, which caused her to break up with him (“You don’t get me,” she whined) ... Kerry got a trip to Bora Bora from Jack ... Not one of those plot points would lure a lapsed viewer back to Genoa City.
On the bright side, Reed hit his drunken grandmother, Nikki, with a car and put her in a coma. Festive!
When Nikki’s awake, she frets over the J.T. murder investigation and drinks. When she’s comatose, she plays the piano in full hair and makeup, and Victor appears to her. Frankly, she’s better off asleep.
Save us, Victor!
■ Who will save Kevin on GH? “I am totally pulling this off,” bragged Ryan to his incarcerated/drugged twin in between committing murders.
As umbrella stories go, you can’t do much better than Laura at the center with Scotty/ Felicia/anna bopping in and out — even when GH is murdering people at Christmas. Carly: “The killer frames an obvious suspect. Why haven’t the police said anything?”
’Cause soap cops are dumb. But so is Carly for not questioning Nelle’s claim that her baby with Michael “died”. I’ll take the classic lines, though: “Think of me as The Godfather,” quipped Sonny to Wiley (who he doesn’t know is his grandson).
Obrecht is poised to blow that baby switch wide open. “The truth is best left unsaid until one really needs it,” she told Nelle ominously.
We needed a little more truth this season, told by people we know. Please, Cupid — bring us some quality action with core characters for Valentine’s Day!
■ Hey. It’s opinion. only my