It’s Only My Opin­ion

Fol­low Carolyn on Twit­ter @car­olyn­hin­sey

Soap Opera Digest - - CONTENTS - By Carolyn Hin­sey

Day­time’s most out­spo­ken colum­nist!

■ The best soaps cranked up the ac­tion over the hol­i­days to lure lapsed fans back with their faves.

■ Santa came early on DAYS to give Abi­gail her groove back, and he stayed through New Year’s to bring back her dad (Jack!).

Chad: “It’s bet­ter to give than to re­ceive.”

Julie: “Who the hell said that?”

The writ­ers, who picked the hap-hap­pi­est sea­son of all to bust Gabi for her lie that Ste­fan was Char­lotte’s fa­ther. A snoop­ing Julie dis­cov­ered the DNA test in Gabi’s room, so naturally Gabi had to throw her down a flight of stairs and give her am­ne­sia.

Doug (at co­matose Julie’s bed­side): “You have to come back to me. Please, sweet­heart!”

Julie’s eyes flut­tered and the very next day she went to a party. It was a Christ­mas mir­a­cle.

Over at the Dimera house, Abby ad­mit­ted she’d been fak­ing her love for Ste­fan to escape the loony bin and gifted him with di­vorce pa­pers: “Merry Christ­mas, you son of a bitch.” She then headed straight to the Hor­ton house for an “I am woman, hear me roar” mo­ment next to Tom and Alice’s in­spi­ra­tional or­na­ments.

Abby: “I’m Abi­gail Dev­er­aux and I make the de­ci­sions about my life.”

Jen­nifer (who re­cently com­mit­ted her daugh­ter): “Gulp.”

Julie: “Sur­prise!”

That party had it all — un­til Julie re­mem­bered she had seen the name “Chad” listed as Char­lotte’s fa­ther on the DNA test.

Gabi: “I can ex­plain.”

Abi­gail (slap­ping “Ex­plain this, bitch!”

The mo­ment could have de­volved into full-on DY­NASTY campi­ness, but DAYS hu­man­ized it by show­ing the toll Gabi’s lies had taken on Chad (who split from Abby and dis­tanced him­self from Char­lotte, think­ing the baby wasn’t his). her): Chad (to Gabi): “I un­der­stand why, in some twisted way, you’d want to do that to Abi­gail. But for the life of me, I can’t fig­ure out why you’d want to do that to me.”

Ste­fan wasn’t thrilled, ei­ther.

Ste­fan: “The baby’s not mine.”

Ben: “That’s cold.”

Ac­tu­ally, the only thing cold about those rivet­ing

We needed a lit­tle more truth this sea­son, told by peo­ple we know.

scenes was in­ter­rupt­ing them with JJ try­ing to con­vince a stranger not to com­mit sui­cide (all to­gether now: who cares) and the silli­ness of Leo con­tin­u­ing to “force” Sonny into mar­riage.

I’m also not a fan of the “shoot the mes­sen­ger” ar­gu­ment so preva­lent lately on soaps. “Don’t ruin my lit­tle girl’s Christ­mas!” shrieked Gabi when Chad threatened to call the po­lice. No — Gabi ru­ined Ari’s Christ­mas by drug­ging Abi­gail and ly­ing

that her DID was back and chang­ing Char­lotte’s pa­ter­nity test and push­ing Julie down the stairs.

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

■ B&B told the same story with Tay­lor, ar­gu­ing that a preg­nant Hope ru­ined Christ­mas by in­sist­ing St­effy’s mur­der­ous mom stay away. Again, no — Tay­lor ru­ined the hol­i­day (and all fu­ture fam­ily “fun”) by shooting Bill in cold blood.

Liam (to St­effy): “I’ll al­ways be here for you and Kelly.”

Even when her mom shoots his dad! Tay­lor has a cu­ri­ous de­fender in gam­bler Reese, a doc­tor who man­aged to take over the show de­spite hav­ing no skills, re­la­tion­ship to core char­ac­ters, or re­deem­ing qual­i­ties.

Reese: “She’s a kind, car­ing, prin­ci­pled woman.”

Brooke: “Then you don’t know Tay­lor very well.”

That didn’t stop the bad doc­tor from in­sert­ing him­self into the show’s long­est ri­valry to stick up for the trig­ger-happy Tay­lor.

Physi­cian, heal thy­self.

■ I had high hopes for the tra­di­tional Ab­bott/new­man ex­trav­a­ganza on Y&R, but it was mostly coal this year. The worst was some techno lip-sync­ing mess with two strangers ex­plor­ing “the craft of song­writ­ing” while mak­ing a record.

Fen: “That was in­cred­i­ble!”

Ana: “It re­ally was.”

No, it wasn’t. It did not ad­vance story, and we don’t know you. Oh, and Fen’s a jerk. “I don’t need luck,” he bragged to Ana. “It’s talent, and I have plenty of it.”

Ugh. How can Y&R re­cast an­other son be­long­ing to Lau­ren and not play him with her? Did they learn noth­ing from Scott’s flame­out last year?

Else­where, a host of other strangers did things we don’t care about. Mia (the rud­est new­bie in decades) rec­om­mended “anti-ag­ing tips” to Abby ... Ar­turo gave Abby a parka ... Kyle gave Lola an ex­pen­sive purse, which caused her to break up with him (“You don’t get me,” she whined) ... Kerry got a trip to Bora Bora from Jack ... Not one of those plot points would lure a lapsed viewer back to Genoa City.

On the bright side, Reed hit his drunken grand­mother, Nikki, with a car and put her in a coma. Fes­tive!

When Nikki’s awake, she frets over the J.T. mur­der in­ves­ti­ga­tion and drinks. When she’s co­matose, she plays the pi­ano in full hair and makeup, and Vic­tor ap­pears to her. Frankly, she’s bet­ter off asleep.

Save us, Vic­tor!

■ Who will save Kevin on GH? “I am to­tally pulling this off,” bragged Ryan to his in­car­cer­ated/drugged twin in be­tween com­mit­ting mur­ders.

As um­brella sto­ries go, you can’t do much bet­ter than Laura at the cen­ter with Scotty/ Feli­cia/anna bop­ping in and out — even when GH is mur­der­ing peo­ple at Christ­mas. Carly: “The killer frames an ob­vi­ous sus­pect. Why haven’t the po­lice said any­thing?”

’Cause soap cops are dumb. But so is Carly for not ques­tion­ing Nelle’s claim that her baby with Michael “died”. I’ll take the clas­sic lines, though: “Think of me as The God­fa­ther,” quipped Sonny to Wi­ley (who he doesn’t know is his grand­son).

Obrecht is poised to blow that baby switch wide open. “The truth is best left un­said un­til one re­ally needs it,” she told Nelle omi­nously.

We needed a lit­tle more truth this sea­son, told by peo­ple we know. Please, Cupid — bring us some qual­ity ac­tion with core char­ac­ters for Valen­tine’s Day!

■ Hey. It’s opin­ion. only my

Bag It: Lola (Sasha Calle) didn’t ap­pre­ci­ate Kyle’s (Michael Mealor) hol­i­day gift on Y&R.

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