It’s Only My Opinion
Daytime’s most outspoken columnist!
■ I’m a big fan of the direct approach — especially at the holidays.
■ So welcome back, Tracy Quartermaine! The prodigal Q was all humbuggy with Finn at the GH Christmas party, so people rightly called them on it. Scorpio (to Finn): “You’re a real Scrooge.”
Finn’s “super grouchy” behavior (per Anna) then sparked a fun homage to A Christmas Carol, with Monica reading the Dickens classic to the kids at the hospital as it came to life for Finn, a.k.a. Scrooge. Tracy was the perfect Jacob Marley to warn Finn/ Scrooge that the arriving spirits (Josslyn, Obrecht, Ava) were his last chance to turn his life around.
Obrecht (as The Ghost of Christmas Present): “Look upon me!”
How could we not? When the story was over, even Tracy seemed enlightened as she roamed the hospital.
Tracy: “I think we should stay and help out a little bit.”
Ned’s eyebrow: What?
Elsewhere, the painting of Helena Cassadine went up in flames at Ava’s auction, which caused Curtis to warn her intern.
Curtis: “Ava Jerome is not a role model.”
Trina: “I don’t need a role model. I need an internship.”
That’s the kind of straight talk we need more of in Port Charles — just ask Nelle’s lawyer.
Nelle: “Why should I trust you?”
Martin: “Because it’s my only chance of getting paid.”
Payback is overdue for liars Peter, Nikolas and Brad, so here’s hoping some sturdy chains await them in 2020.
■ DAYS highlighted A Christmas Carol too, with Chad reading the cautionary tale to his kids.
Chad (pointing at Gabi): “Look, there’s a Scrooge right there. Hi!”
Chad wore his hate on his sleeve, sneering to Gabi he hoped the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future would all haunt her.
Marlena deserves credit for not decking “Hope”, a.k.a. Princess Gina, after that fake royal hung all over John like he was made of
I’m a big fan of the direct approach.
mistletoe.
John: “I was so stupid to let her move in.”
Marlena: “I hope you got our key back.”
Kate’s got no time for that Audrey Hepburn wannabe, either.
Kate: “What exactly are you princess of? Perhaps all the inbreeding caused you to be such a moron. [Princess Gina slaps her.]
You just bitch-slapped the wrong bitch!”
That “moron” needs a visit from Christmas Passed, as in move along now, Gina.
Conversely, I was sorry to see Eve move along — she
got out of prison, crashed the Horton tree-trimming party, and flew away like the down of a thistle.
Eve: “I’m leaving Salem. It’s a gift to me.”
■ Y&R’S gift to us was Christine, Paul, Lauren and Michael in scenes together for the first time since like, 1992.
Paul and Michael: “Your
husband’s a cheat!”
Chris and Lauren: Huh?
Seems the men got into a fight while playing racquetball and their wives defused this situation by ordering hot sauce to burn their tongues and ... oh, never mind, we got to see the fearsome foursome for one day.
Meanwhile, Phyllis was bouncing all over Genoa City telling everyone what she thinks — including her ex-husbands.
Phyllis: “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
Jack: “An empty seat at the bar.”
Phyllis: “You used to be funnier.”
He used to have a storyany line, too, but Jack is more The Ghost of Abbotts Past now, passing the torch to niece Abby and son Kyle while doling out sage advice.
Jack: “You’re one of the smartest women I know, but you keep getting in your own way. Ask yourself: Where has that gotten me?”
Sniffing after newbie Chance and playing video games with Nick, so Jack’s got a point. But when it comes to the direct approach, no one beats Victor.
Victor: “I wish Nick would find a woman with some integrity. The Chelseas and the Phyllises are not for him.”
Au contraire, Mustache. Allow me to beg for a Nick/ Phyllis/jack triangle again ... surely the spirits must hear me?
■ B&B got stuck on THE THOMAS SHOW again over the holidays, despite everyone but the Forrester men having his number.
Liam: “Thomas is dangerous and a proven liar.”
Hope: “If Thomas crosses lines, he is gone so fast.”
You mean like keeping your baby from you for eight months? Or insisting he is over you and then drawing a picture of himself shirtless (!) while kissing you for everyone to find at the office?
Hope: “I need a good designer.”
Brooke: “He’s still obsessed with you.”
Duh. At the risk of sounding like Scrooge, making Eric and Ridge oblivious to propel Thomas is doing long-term harm to those characters — and having Hope hire him after
everything he did has done her no favors, either. Why is Brooke the only light in this forest(er)?
Brooke (re: Zoe): “How could you allow that liar back into Forrester Creations?” Ridge: “Steffy made the call. Thomas is moving on.” Brooke (rolling her eyes so hard they hit the back of her head): “With Zoey.”
I’m all for a fashion showdown — and anything that brings Sally and Wyatt back into the action is most welcome — but hanging the plot on a mentally ill crook who happens to be able to draw a dress makes about as much sense as three ghosts convincing an old miser to buy a turkey for a tiny crippled boy.
Hope: “I guess lying really does bring people together.”
Bah, humbug!
■ Hey. It’s only my opinion.