Forget YOUNG SHELDON! Some Of TV’S Funniest Lines Are On Soaps.
BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL
(Liam scoffs when Hope says that Thomas has some important news to share.) Liam: “What? He’s a changed man? Again?”
DAYS OF OUR LIVES
(Paulina takes in Horton Town Square.)
Paulina: “So you had Ye Olde Salem Inn, Ye Olde Jewelry Store and Ye Olde Dry Cleaners. Baby, if variety was the spice of life, Salem is a sodium-free diet.”
Abe: “Not to generalize, right?”
(Later.)
Paulina: “Let’s go someplace else where I can buy you a drink. Salem isn’t dry, is it? I mean, I can get a drink here?”
Abe: “We repealed Prohibition just last week.”
(Paulina registers that
Julie is Eli’s grandmother.)
Paulina: “Oh, no, you know what? Oh, I can see the resemblance now. Uh-huh, you’re the cream in his black coffee. Yeah, I like me some café au lait myself. You should be very proud of that young man. Oh, he looks like a movie star, got a body to die for.”
Julie: “More important, he has a fine character, a wonderful mind, and he’s good at his job.”
Paulina: “Well, of course he is, but you know how that saying goes. ‘A brain may take you a long way in this life, but good looks will get you in the door.’ ”
Julie: “Who said that?”
Paulina: “Well, I did. I oughta know. It worked for me.”
GENERAL HOSPITAL
(Willow gets Chase a glass of water and asks what’s bothering him.)
Chase: “Finn slept with my mom.”
Willow: “Wow. Oh, okay. When was this?”
Chase: “The night before she married my dad, and now I don’t know if my dad is my father or if Finn is.”
(Willow takes the glass of water from Chase’s hand.)
Chase: “What are you doing?”
Willow: “I’m getting us some wine.”
(Maxie responds to Peter’s request that they see a marriage counselor.) Maxie: “Peter, you killed Drew Cain. Couples counseling is not going to fix that.”
YOUNG AND RESTLESS
(Sally immediately figures out that Phyllis is trying to set her up on a blind date in order to distract her from Jack.)
Sally: “You believe your ex is too good for me.” Phyllis: “I thought that went without saying.”