It’s Only My Opinion
Daytime’s most outspoken columnist!
Repeat after me: Happy couples on soaps are boring.
■ Repeat after me: Happy couples on soaps are boring. ■ Right, GH fans? The Carly/sonny/nina triangle has delivered a wild ride of drama and sexual tension right up to Carly kicking Sonny out and Nina coming upon him drunk at a bar and driving him back to his old bachelor pad.
Sonny: “Don’t you want to hear what happened after I went after Carly? You’re as much a part of this as anybody else.”
Nina: “All right, tell me everything.”
Drunk Sonny meandered about regretting he didn’t tell Carly about their dalliance before she discovered it in court, and then he admitted he still has feelings for Nina.
Nina: “Those are buried with the ashes of the Tan-o.”
But still smoldering. For those who don’t like this plotline, let’s review: What was Sonny and Carly’s story before? Reading a book to baby Donna off screen and visiting Morgan’s grave? That’s no way for a supercouple to live.
Contrast that with the happily married Laura and Kevin. They’re sweet and we love them but they got about eight minutes of screen time together last year. That may change with Luke’s death ... Laura (crying): “I didn’t want to burden you with this.” Kevin: “Burden? Luke was a pivotal part of your life!”
An overdue reminiscence of her wedding to Luke 40 years ago followed (missing the money flashbacks), and Kevin was a rock when Laura had to relay the bad news to Bobbie. This was a welcome change from Laura and Kevin’s reunion after she returned at Christmas following months away: She surprised Kevin at the hospital doling out gifts in his Santa suit and the mirthful marrieds went home ... off camera. Marty then donned a Santa suit to replace Kevin and got lucky on camera with Lucy, who he’d never met. Ho ho ho, indeed.
■ Hell, it took the devil to give Julie and Doug a story on DAYS and they’ve been together since Satan proffered that apple in the Garden of Eden. Ben and Ciara united to fight off the devil’s efforts to steal their unborn baby (!) and John’s love brought Marlena back to him.
Marlena (snuggled on the couch): “I’ll be fine if you’re gone for a minute.”
John: “But will I?”
These duos think they’re safe but the devil’s always lurking. (Heeeeere’s Johnny!)
Lucas and Sami have never been stable, which keeps them percolating on the front burner (when they’re on). His latest effort to hold onto her — kidnapping her — was a new low that even he knows went too far.
Lucas (to Tom and Alice’s plaque): “I know what you’re thinking: ‘How could our grandson do something so
nuts?’ I did it for love.”
Twisted love. Speaking of which, there’s no rooting value in the Ej/nicole/rafe/ Ava round robin of hate and dysfunction no matter which pair you settle on. Nicole and Rafe’s bizarre attachment to a stuffed bear on their road to sex on the conference table was topped only on the absurd meter by a jealous Ava slicing it up.
Ava: “I left a dead body in Nicole’s office.”
Gwen: “You decapitated a stuffed animal?”
If you’re trying to create a new twosome, that ain’t it. Gwen’s destructive backstory takes away any rooting value she might have with Xander, although she did cause momentary angst for perennial lovebirds Jack and Jennifer. They’re together again, so naturally they left town — proving my point about happy couples.
■ Y&R has had better luck with Nikki and Victor, who cruise peacefully along with only the occasional sharp words about their kids. His dark side in business provides ongoing bumps in the road, usually resolved by them agreeing to disagree and a kiss on the cheek.
Billy and Lily are currently the most interesting twosome. They have entertaining problems due to his need for revenge and his ex-wife Victoria sticking her nose in their beeswax. The latest was their effort to wrest Newman Media away from Adam.
Lily: “Suddenly this is Victoria’s chess game? I refuse to let either one of us be used by her.”
Lily’s sarcasm game is strong, which keeps them watchable — unlike Adam and Chelsea, who were over loooooong ago.
Chelsea (to Adam): “We owe it to ourselves to see what is possible. Can’t we go back to a time when we believed in each other?”
You mean before you framed Adam for poisoning Rey? That ship has sailed sweetie — he has designs on Sally now.
I realize not every duo can be energized by poison and a fake coma but there has to be a happy medium. This is the kind of scene you get with a contented couple and no imagination: The husband prepares dinner for the wife. Abby (to Chance): “You turned the oven on all by yourself! That’s very impressive. You don’t even know how wonderful you are.”
Zzzzzzzzzz.
■ Give me a sloshed heroine falling off the wagon and waking up in bed with an ex every time.
Brooke: “Oh, my God ... I was drinking last night!”
Now you’re talking. B&B’S Ridge came home and talked about how “in love” they are while Brooke replayed the events of the night before in her head with a sick look on her face.
Ridge: “Did Deacon do something to upset you? There’s no way he’s going to have anything to do with our relationship.”
The minute you say “no way” you’re headed straight toward “way”. One path to keeping marrieds miserable is if one or both of the partners never learns anything or evolves. Ladies and gentlemen: Brooke Logan.
Brooke (to Ridge): “When you’re not around I lose all sense of stability.”
Well, as long as she’s stuck in 1987 this couple will never be boring!
■ Hey. It’s opinion. only my