Forget ABBOTT ELEMENTARY! Some Of TV’S Funniest Lines Are On Soaps.
DAYS OF OUR LIVES
(Chloe and Xander discuss her love life.)
Xander: “It’s not like Brady Black is the only fish in the sea. There’s plenty of handsome, available men in Salem.”
Chloe: “Like who?”
Xander: “What am I? Chopped haggis?”
Chloe: “No, but you are the man who left me in the clutches of a Mexican drug lord.”
Xander: “You’re just never gonna let that go, huh?”
Chloe: “It’s kind of hard to do.”
Xander: “Fine. I admit that I have some flaws and have behaved abominably at times. But come on, compared to Brady, I mean, I’m much better looking,
I’m more intelligent, I have broader shoulders. I’m wittier, wiser, I have this charming accent ... Still can’t let the ‘left you to die’ stuff go, huh?”
Chloe: “Nope. Still can’t let it go.”
GENERAL HOSPITAL
(Brook Lynn vents to Sonny about her busy schedule.) Brook Lynn: “Planning a wedding in 24 hours is not for the faint of heart.”
(Robert and Diane chat about how well she handles herself as he works on her car.)
Robert: “You would have made a good spy.”
Diane: “I’ve always wanted to be a spy!”
Robert: “Actually, scratch that.”
Diane: “There goes the dream.”
YOUNG AND RESTLESS
(Nikki tells Michael that she knows Diane is guilty of killing Phyllis.) Michael: “Our Constitution assures all citizens are innocent until proven otherwise, even the ones who don’t measure up or haven’t earned your seal of approval.”
Nikki: “According to the Constitution, yes, but the Founding Fathers never met Diane.”
(Nikki runs into Milton at Society.)
Nikki: “Hello, Milton.
It’s been a while. How are things in accounting?”
Milton: “Everything is adding up. That was —”
Nikki: “An accounting joke. Yeah, I get it. And how’s your wife, Sarah is it?”
Milton: “Excellent memory. We’re divorced.”
Nikki: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
Milton: “Don’t be. Turns out she hated my accounting jokes.”
(Milton makes his crush on Nikki known.)
Milton: “What we should do is buy matching motorcycles and travel across the country, playing guitars around a campfire and looking up at the stars.”
Nikki: “Oh, Milton, darling. I don’t play guitar.”