Survivor friend develops disorder

Dear Amy: “Charlotte,” my dear friend of many years, has recently overcome addictions to smoking and alcohol, concurrently. She has a distorted image of her figure and exercises to extreme in order to maintain that appearance. I’ve let her know that she’s at a great risk of increased illness if she stays so thin. She has yet to seek professional advice.

Would it work if I got some family and close friends together in order to confront her and speak some wisdom to her? — Concerned Chap

Dear Concerned: Your friend’s other addictions are likely related to her current bulimia. This is complicated and she needs professional help to deal with her underlying issues before she can get healthy.

Interventions — by family and friends — seem easy. You just get together and go around the table and tell the affected party that you are worried about her and that you want her to get help.

And then the subject of the intervention rages, or cries or sits sullenly, or tells you all to go to hell, leaves the table and stops communicating with you because, even though your intentions were great and you were all gentle and loving, she feels attacked and misunderstood.

If this happens, then “Charlotte” will be without the thing she needs the most, which is contact with loyal and loving friends.

This is why interventions are best led by professionals. A therapist or other specialist can deliver constructive and concrete ideas, as well as the inspiration and incentive to begin treatment.

By all means, share your concerns with your friend: “You’ve been through so much lately. I’m worried because you’ve gotten so thin. Are you seeing a therapist?” Offer to help her find one. And also continue to accept her as she is.

The National Eating Disorders Association offers a “find treatment” tool (nationaleatingdisorders.org), as well as a helpline that she (or you) could call: (800) 931-2237.