Wedding plans exclude aunt, uncle

Dear Miss Manners: After sending us a “save the date” notice for a fall wedding, our nephew called to say that he and his intended were overwhelmed by wedding plans, especially the family pressure to include relatives they scarcely know.

They decided instead to elope to the Southwest. We agreed it was a great plan, and thought no more about it. That is, until learning that what had evolved was actually a destination wedding, complete with a dinner and a reception, to which “close friends and relatives” are invited — my husband’s sister among them — though we are not!

I am feeling miffed! Am I out of line?

Gentle Reader: No, just out of favor. While this whole procedure was clearly rude, Miss Manners recommends that you consider yourself lucky — and that much richer — for not having spent money on a forced vacation with (apparently distant) relatives. As an added bonus, she permits you to forgo the present that she feels certain will be solicited, and suggests you reward yourself with an actual vacation.

Dear Miss Manners: I usually wear my best clothes to a funeral. But at a recent funeral I went to, wearing a posh velvet purple blouse, I was ridiculed and told

(in front of everybody) that it was inappropriate and I shouldn’t have worn it. I now feel insecure in what I want to wear, as well as inferior that my clothing choice was not taken seriously. I am a grown woman and this shouldn’t affect me, but it does. What should I do, Miss Manners? What is suitable attire for a funeral?

Gentle Reader: Black. “Best clothes” does not necessarily mean “poshest and showiest” when it is for a funeral. The point is to look smart, but respectful — not, Miss Manners warns, to upstage the guest of honor.

Another point is that criticizing other people’s choice of clothing, let alone doing so publicly, is astoundingly rude.