Rude remark gets flippant response

Dear Miss Manners: I share a name with a high-profile politician, and recently attended a cocktail party for my husband’s office. As I was being introduced to the wife of one of his colleagues, she wrinkled her nose and said, “Ugh! Oh nooooo, I haaaate that name. All I can think of when I hear that name is (politician).” I said, “Well, I guess we can’t be friends. Darn.” Then turned and walked away. Other co-workers think this will come back to bite my husband. He doesn’t care a whit.

What should I have said?

Gentle Reader: What you said was not the issue. It was rather how you likely said it, and the abrupt turn afterwards, that may have future repercussions. How lucky that you have a husband who found it charming. She recommends, however, that neither of you consider politics.

Dear Miss Manners: My son and his future wife have decided to have their wedding and reception with “no children,” other than his and her nieces and nephews.

Now, for the shower I am planning for them, they have said they want “women only.” Some of the older women won’t be able to come, as their husbands are their drivers. Some of the new moms aren’t sure about attending, as who will watch the kids? It feels like my family is slowly being excluded.

Gentle Reader: That the bride wants to exclude children is problematic, as the guests will see all those nieces and nephews. That she wants sole dictatorship over who comes to a shower that you are hosting without consideration for her guests is equally officious. While not a tradition with which Miss Manners agrees, she supposes that the bride is presuming that “women only” is traditional for showers. But then, traditionally, showers are never given by family members — or ones to be. You might politely point out the inconveniences these exclusions pose for her guests. Or, if that has no effect, perhaps the notion of receiving fewer presents will.

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