Son’s delirium causes unexpected hurt

Dear Amy: I would like your opinion on something. My son and I always had and still have a normal, loving, good relationship. Fifteen years ago, when he was 25, my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. At the time, he had been married for two years to his college sweetheart.

I was fortunate enough to get referrals for the best surgeons. The operation went on for several hours. Upon his recovery, he was placed in a hospital bed. He was still kind of groggy and in a lot of pain when my husband, daughter and I went to see him.

I asked if there was anything he needed. He told me to get out of the room. His wife’s mother came in and he started calling out to her: “Mom!” and she went to him. I was never so crushed in my entire life. I started to cry and ran out, and kept running.

My daughter and husband brought me to the cafeteria in the hospital to try and calm me down.

Now, 15 years later, I still harbor hurt and resentment. How do I handle it? I’m not in good health. Should I keep it buried or bring it up? — The Real Mother

Dear Real Mother: Unfortunately, I feel that the real pathology here is your holding onto an obviously hallucinatory statement made under extreme circumstances 15 years ago.

I don’t know if you have ever been hospitalized and recovered from a major operation using anesthesia, but I have seen people suffer from delirium while in the grip of “ICU psychosis.” I don’t think your son’s reaction while emerging from anesthesia is out of the ordinary. I do think that you were traumatized by watching your son suffer.

Please, do yourself and your family a favor and bring this up with your son. I hope a reassuring hug and an “I love you, Mom,” will allow you to finally close the book on this strange chapter in your emotional life. Holding on to this is not good for your own health. Find a way to let it go.