Strategies for dealing with a horrible boss

Work can be stressful enough, but there are ways to survive a toxic office environment

A toxic boss can ruin your work life. It can be stressful to go to work, be at work, even think about work.

Here are a few strategies for survival:

Internalize that this is not your fault

When you’re in the grip of an emotional bully, it’s important to not take what he or she says to heart. Whether he or she employs words, body language, passive-aggressive emails or talking behind your back, you can start to believe what is said about you: that you don’t work hard, that you’re bad at your job, that you’re stupid.

You are not bad, wrong or stupid. Your toxic boss calling you those things doesn’t make them true. In fact, your boss is the one displaying bad behavior.

The trick is to not just intellectually grasp that this is not your fault but internalize it. Positive self-talk is critical when you’re regularly exposed to an emotional bully.

Document everything

Get everything in writing. Whether your boss promises a raise, a day off, snacks in the kitchen or fewer work hours on the weekends, write down the conversation and the date and/ or save the email chain.

If you’ve received glowing performance evaluations in the past, print them out and keep them in a file at home. If a coworker or manager in another department emails you to praise your work or thank you for your assistance, be sure to save the email.

There’s a possibility you’ll need all this later for HR, or maybe even in court.

Speaking of legal action, know your rights. Review the labor laws and copyright laws for your state or area, and look at contracts you signed (including non-disclosure and noncompete agreements). Toxic bosses often break the law, sometimes in egregious ways.

If it comes to it, don’t be afraid to get an attorney, especially for labor law violations. Your city or state will often provide free help if your boss is doing shady stuff.

Take frequent walks

If you’ve just been energetically or emotionally attacked by your toxic boss, take a walk.

Walking has been proved to soothe the nervous system, and your stress hormones likely just spiked after the dressing-down. If you can get to a park, even better. Numerous studies point to the positive effect of nature

on your mind and body.

If you can, scream in your car later

It’s important that you don’t bottle up your anger. Pretend your toxic boss is in the passenger seat and say all the things you can’t say at work, with all the profanity you want.

This is particularly helpful if you’re going home to loved ones. Get out the worst of it so you can be present with your family.

Support and validate co-workers

Toxic bosses affect everyone to one degree or another. If you witness your boss attacking someone else, find a way to let him or her know you are there. There’s a difference between gossiping and listening and empathizing. Helping your colleagues also helps you see the situation from a different angle and grasp just how bad it is.

Look for and cultivate allies. Other people (including those colleagues you’re supporting) will vouch for you and your work, which can be helpful if you decide to leave.

Connect with people

When you’re in the throes of a bully, your tendency may be to withdraw into yourself, lick your wounds and just watch Netflix after work.

Of course, take a night off if you need to. But know that human connection is what’s going to get you through this. Now more than ever, it’s important to spend quality time with people who love you.

You may not even need to tackle the awfulness of your boss with friends and family members. Sometimes, merely being around those who support you is enough.

Seriously consider quitting

The fact is, a lot of these strategies are just stopgap measures, because working for a toxic boss is exhausting. It takes immense energy reserves to manage the stress, and on top of that to try to do your job.

If it’s getting to the point where you are regularly experiencing anxiety or depression because of this person (or the overall work environment), quit as soon as you safely can.

Exposure to stress hormones over time is very bad for your physical and emotional health. There are obviously circumstances where you need to stay for survival reasons, but if you are in a position to get out, do it.

You deserve to feel safe and respected at work as well as outside it.

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