Uncle needs to do some uncle-ing

Dear Amy: My parents spend winters in warmer climates. Their return home will coincide with a family gettogether at their house.

In attendance will be my 20-something niece and her boyfriend — whose behavior needs improvement. He’s a nice guy otherwise, but he is evidently unaware of how to carry himself .

At my parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party, he and my niece occupied the space directly across from my parents — using my parents as a backdrop for their make-out session.

I would have preferred those two seats be occupied by myself and my brothers — so we could be physically close to my parents during this celebration of their marriage. At Christmas at my parent’s house, my niece’s boyfriend occupied the front of the buffet line while everyone else helped to prepare it. He stood there wiping his dripping nose with his fingers and then transferring those drippings to the serving utensil afterward.

I’m afraid if I say anything, my brother will hear, and temporarily avoid family functions, which would devastate my 80-year-old mother.

Can anything be done? — Upset Uncle

Dear Uncle: It is the aunt/uncle’s time-honored prerogative to offer gentle suggestions to clueless young-adult nieces/nephews. This is uncle-ing.

And so, if the couple is sitting where you believe you and your brother should be sitting, you say, “Hi guys, would you mind moving over two chairs so my brother and I can sit next to our parents?”

In terms of the buffet hoarding, in our large family we have dealt with this by one or more elders leading a blessing before the serving, thanking the people who prepared the food, and then stating: “Let’s let the older people go through the line first, so they can get themselves situated. Then the rest of us can go through.”

You are not offering judgments here — you are merely demonstrating some leadership.

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