Friend didn’t intend to demand flowers

Dear Miss Manners: I have a friend whom I used to be very close to, but we have fallen out of contact. We haven’t seen each other in over a year now, and only talk sporadically. I saw her post on social media that she had lost her grandmother, so I messaged her my condolences.

We had a short conversation, and then she told me that if I wanted to send flowers, she would give me the address. I was taken aback, because my finances aren’t in a position to be sending flowers to grandmothers (whom I’ve never met) of friends I’m only loosely in touch with. What is an appropriate way to respond?

Gentle Reader: No doubt your friend has become used to fielding questions about what people can do to honor her grandmother, and mindlessly gave you the suggestion and the address.

Had she made a demand or created a registry, Miss Manners would fault her, but that was not the case here. The proper response is “Thank you,” with no need to follow up with flowers. Instead, you may use that address to write her a letter of condolence — and perhaps in the process, reignite the friendship.

Dear Miss Manners: My parents are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. They will renew their vows with a Mass.

My sisters and their spouses/significant others will be walking in ahead of our parents. I am widowed, and was wondering if it is proper to carry a photo of my husband with me.

Gentle Reader: When you said Mass, surely you meant the church wedding service and not the amount of people who would be joining it. Because it seems to Miss Manners that the other couples are highly irrelevant to this event.

Unless this is a group wedding, walking in matched sets seems ridiculous. Miss Manners suggests that you use your widowed status to demur politely, maintain your dignity and stay seated.

Send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com or email her at dearmissmanners@ gmail.com.