New mom can treat with teamwork

Dear Amy: I have been feeling irritable toward my husband lately.

I noticed these feelings after the birth of our fourth child, in June.

Before she was born, we found out that my husband’s father was in the hospital. We couldn’t get much information about his condition.

Our baby’s due date came and went, and she was born 12 days late!

I was scared for her, but my husband was more worried about his dad.

Any attempts to talk about the baby were blocked. He changed the subject back to his dad. We later found out that his father has dementia and is currently hospitalized.

I try to be understanding, but I need my husband, too!

Am I overreacting because of the postpregnancy hormones? — Short Temper in Nevada

Dear Short Temper: Yes, you might be coping with some post-partum hormonal issues, but most parents with four children would find themselves irritable with no other contributing factors. In your case, you have a major additional stress.

This sort of emotional chaos and challenge characterizes the hard work of being in a family. You and your husband don’t have the luxury of only worrying about and taking care of your children. You have to take care of yourselves, and each other. Do teams have bad days? Yes! But a team still exits the locker room together.

I have a two-word solution for you: Be gentle. Gentleness starts with the way you treat yourself.

Here’s an example: You try to talk about how the baby has started teething. Your husband changes the subject. Or he tries to talk to you about his dad while you are nursing.

The first thing you should do is to take a breath, acknowledge your own behavior and forgive yourself, and then turn the page.

Once you forgive yourself, you can approach him with more patience and compassion. Hold hands and do your best to face your challenges together.

Readers can send email to askamy@ amydickinson.com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.