Dad caught in the middle

Dear Miss Manners: My wife and I live on opposite coasts from our son, his wife and their toddler son. My wife and my son haven’t been on the best of terms, although both are almost always civil.

They sometimes send photos of our grandson just to me. This means that, if I want my wife to see and enjoy those photos, I need to forward them to her. This makes her feel bad. Either that, or I sometimes feel that I just need to pretend that I didn’t get the photos.

I’m thinking I should email my son and daughter-in-law and insist they include both of us on all future photo sharing.

Gentle Reader: Yes. Reconcile them.

Miss Manners fears that sending that email will upset the balance that has so precariously been created. And that your proposal will only drive the two further apart.

Facilitating a conversation between them seems far more practical.

Dear Miss Manners: When my mother died after her third battle with cancer, we held a visitation the night before the memorial service, plus another the following day. There was also a luncheon.

I am very hurt that none of my in-laws attended. Not my motherin-law or father-in-law, nor my husband’s sister, his brother or brother’s wife. They never sent a card or anything.

My husband made sure they knew where and when the services/ visitations were. When my friend asked my sister-in-law which visitation she was going to, she said, “I don’t do funerals.”

I’m trying to move on and forgive them, but

I’m not sure I can without confronting them.

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with holding on to a bit of resentment by way of a somewhat chilly reception next time you meet. If asked what the problem is, you may answer, “Our family was so disappointed that none of yours were able to attend any of my mother’s services.” If an apology is issued, accept it.