South Florida Sun-Sentinel Palm Beach (Sunday)
Online pity parties don’t elicit hugs
Dear Amy: An old school friend of mine posts often on Facebook. Her updates are mostly upbeat.
Both her brother and her father died of unexpected illnesses. Her mother and one remaining sibling are still alive, and they are close.
She posts about her father and brother on FB regularly, noting, “Today would have been H’s 55th birthday. I can’t believe he’s gone” accompanied by pictures, including photos of him in the hospital.
She always gets lots of sympathetic reactions.
Amy, it is exhausting and inappropriate to see these online pity parties of hers. Everyone suffers loss. But no one else I know insists on getting attention for those losses.
She is a successful person with a great family and a full life. Her grief over her loss is no more important, or tragic, than the losses we have ALL endured.
How can I let her know how utterly inappropriate these posts are? — Grieved-Out
Dear Grieved Out: Facebook’s algorithm kicks into gear each day to remind users of items they originally posted about years ago. If her family members entered the hospital, had a birthday, or passed away and she posted about it then, Facebook will remind her of these events now. She is being regularly triggered.
I happen to agree with you regarding what feel like beseeching entreaties for virtual hugs on social media.
But guess what? Other people don’t feel that way. And the true beauty of the freedom of expression that social media platforms offer is this: people can say whatever they want.
You seem to want to inspire this person to change her behavior. But if you did that, and she wasn’t too wounded to respond, she might well say (to you): “If you don’t like what I post, then don’t ‘follow’ me!”
If you do choose to admonish her, do so via private message. Be aware that she could then choose to post your statement.
Readers can send email to askamy@ amydickinson.com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.