Write a letter explaining delayed wedding reception

Miss Manners

Our wedding got canceled, but we got married anyway at city hall. My husband and I plan on having the reception next year, once things settle down.

I do very much want to have the father-daughter dance and a chance to wear my wedding dress. We plan to stage photos. We are not asking for gifts, just for family and friends to attend.

We have gotten some pushback; people are saying it will be “fake” and that it is tacky for me to wear my dress after I will have been married for a year

We could have just rescheduled the wedding, but we needed to get married for health care since my husband has an illness and lost his job. This criticism is very hurtful. I didn’t get to have my father walk me down the aisle, and I want to dance with him. Are we out of line?

Consider how this is perceived in regard to costume jewelry: It is only “fake” if it is pretending to be what it is not. But it can be lovely in itself if it is frankly what it is.

To pretend that you and your husband are actually getting married would not only be asking your guests to participate in a charade, it would also undercut the seriousness of the vows you actually took — as if they didn’t count unless accompanied by the customary hoopla.

Yet Miss Manners — and, she is guessing, people who care about you — could be touched by your sentimentality if it is frankly stated. You cannot squeeze this into formal invitations, so when the time comes write a letter to explain the delayed reception to which you are inviting people.

It would be something like, “Having been unable to celebrate our wedding with you last summer, Oliver and I request the pleasure of your company now that it is possible to gather safely at a reception. We hope you will indulge our desire to enjoy some of the wedding customs we missed.” friend’s posts and even commented once or twice with something such as “That’s great!” or “Congratulations!”

Never once has this friend liked or reacted in any way to any of my posts.

We are both relatively active on social media, engaging with mutual friends, and neither of us posts anything controversial, bragging, or weird. I am aware that some of my posts may not have been seen by my friend, or that the algorithm may be somewhat responsible, but I cannot believe that all of my posts have been accidentally overlooked.

I don’t want to make assumptions or be petty about this, but I think it is human nature to be a little bit hurt. I feel very foolish continuing to like my friend’s posts while receiving nothing in response, so I have totally stopped. I refuse to ask my friend what’s going on because that would not be well received. What would you suggest in this situation?

Well, now you know how people feel when others do not acknowledge their invitations or presents.

Only you have not actually done anything for your friend when you distribute personal information online, so there is no etiquette violation when your audience does not keep cheering you on.

If you want to know how your real-life friend really feels about you, Miss Manners recommends making a real-life personal overture.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.