Couple is in need of signals for ‘time to leave this party’

Dear Miss Manners:

Pre-pandemic, my fiancé’s dear friends came into town for a week, renting a beautiful home with gorgeous hardwood floors. When we were invited to a dinner party there and I was meeting the hosts (and most of the guests) for the first time, we were informed that the rental contract required all shoes to be removed upon entry.

Aside from being mortified by the hole in my sock, I was dismayed that all of the slippers provided by the hosts had already been assigned to others. We live in a city where nighttime temperatures are chilly year-round, and I typically feel colder than others under the best of circumstances. Regardless of my stocking feet, I found it chilly in the house, and I was not the only guest to drape their coat around their shoulders.

After an hour at the table, I could no longer feel sensation in my extremities. My fiancé noticed my discomfort and turned toward me so I could rest my feet on top of his, but this provided little relief.

At one point, the heat came on for just a moment and I remarked, “Oh, that feels good!” But otherwise, I said nothing, and the hosts never inquired after their guests’ comfort. Not wanting to make my fiancé leave early, I suffered in silence for another two hours, but I was so miserable that I could not enjoy the company. Is there a way he or I could have handled this so I could have been comfortable enough to enjoy myself?

Gentle reader: This will not be the last time that one partner will find an evening out more tolerable than the other — if not for the ambient temperature, then because of the food, the conversation, the entertainment, the decor, the company — or a limitless number of other reasons.

Miss Manners advises you to develop a system of signals to alert each other to problems before the situation becomes so intolerable that it is evident to everyone. It is then incumbent on the unaffected partner to assist in ameliorating the problem or bringing the evening to a conclusion.

Your fiancé’s letting you warm your feet on his was a charming, if unsuccessful, attempt at the former. When that didn’t work, leaning against him and insinuating your icy fingers just under his sleeve cuff would have been a good way to signal that, when the meal ended, it was time to go — before you set fire to the tablecloth.

Dear Miss Manners: My parents, who are in their late 70s and live in Los Angeles, both have medical issues (heart conditions, arthritis and kidney problems). When shopping, they frequently use their handicap passes whenever there is a free spot.

While they do not do much shopping now, they have complained of trouble when trying to leave a parking spot. It seems that it has become the norm to use a fist to slam the back of the car of someone trying to back out of a space. I have seen rude people in parking lots do this

My parents always look in both directions before backing up, and back up slowly. Still, I have seen someone, walking in the lot, who hurried to pass and hit the back of their car.

I was always taught that if you see a car backing up, you wait until it has finished, and then continue walking. If the driver makes eye contact and waves you along, then you can keep walking.

When someone bangs on the trunk, it scares my elderly parents to death; their hearts race and they worry about each other’s medical conditions. They are not of any means to afford backup cameras on their car.

Is waiting and making eye contact no longer polite?

Gentle reader: Waiting and making eye contact are still polite, and banging on someone’s car is still not. Miss Manners makes an exception to the latter if it is necessary to prevent imminent harm — although she is not thinking of imminent harm that the pedestrian knowingly risked by being impatient.

Dear Miss Manners: Please please PLEASE say something about the misuse of the word “literally” before it becomes accepted practice.

Gentle reader: Too late.

Dear Miss Manners: What is the proper response to give through a closed public bathroom door when an unknown person knocks?

Gentle reader: “Occupied!” And, if at all possible, “I’ll just be another minute.”