Grocery worker is startled, bumped into by customers

I work at a grocery where customers are constantly startling me or becoming angry at me. I have noticed that customers do not know how to make their presence known.

If they approach from out of my line of vision, many will tap my shoulder or grab my wrist, causing me to scream. Others come alongside me and begin talking. While I may hear them, I assume they are on their phone. It may take a few seconds for me to catch a couple of words that make me aware they need my help.

When I am on a ladder stocking upper shelves, customers knock into my ladder trying to squeeze a 19-inch cart through a 15-inch opening. Others prefer to reach under and around me to get to an item they want.

After I have screamed in surprise, I usually turn to them, smile and say, “Please let me know if am in your way. I will happily move.”

Most of them say they did not want to bother me — without realizing that scaring me is bothering me. A few try to blame me: “You shouldn’t be doing that now.”

Others look at me and say they didn’t hit me with the cart. One time, I was jostled hard enough that I had to grab the shelf in front of me, knocking boxes off. A box hit the customer on the shoulder and she told me I needed to be more careful.

I never raise my voice. I smile. On very rare occasions, I have looked at someone and said, “I am sorry for being so clumsy. I really do not want to find out how good my insurance coverage is.”

Gentle reader: You must be the only polite person to be found in a grocery store these days. Miss Manners keeps getting mail about altercations taking place in the aisles or checkout lines. The standard is so low that someone wanted credit for not hitting you with a cart.

Where is a peace-loving citizen supposed to get vittles in safety?

It is to be hoped that your customers are learning, one by one, from your screams and explanations. Miss Manners is sorry you have to put up with their thoughtlessness.

Dear Miss Manners: My brother passed away and I found out about it from a nephew (not my brother’s son) who posted it on social media.

I find it absolutely disrespectful that my sister-in-law would not personally call me or any of my siblings (there are four of us) to notify us of his death.

It’s not a matter of conflict with anybody. My sister-in-law just left it up to her children to notify others, and this nephew just posted it. Of course, not everyone is on social media.

What is your opinion on the proper etiquette on death notifications to relatives, especially immediate family members?

Gentle reader: Someone should have called, Miss Manners agrees. The question is: Who?

The widow’s not being up to the task may be understandable. One can understand distraught children falling short. But eventually, someone in the family has to take responsibility.

After the nephew bungled it and you learned the news, the kindest course of action would have been to call your sister-in-law and offer to make any remaining calls yourself.

Dear Miss Manners: I’m having a 50th birthday party at a restaurant and can’t afford to pay for everyone’s meal. How do I make it clear I’m NOT paying for food and drinks without being rude? I really just want to share a meal with my friends, but can’t afford to pay for everyone.

Gentle reader: When people tell Miss Manners that they cannot afford to do something, she is prepared to sympathize. But sympathy is not what they are after. They plan to do it anyway, and expect her to endorse a scheme to make other people pay the bills.

You are not “throwing a party” if you are charging those who may attend. They are not “guests” if you are not offering them hospitality.

If the idea is just to share a meal with your friends, can you not find a way to do this — perhaps a party at home — that you can afford? If you insist on going to that restaurant, you should at least warn others by saying something like, “I’m planning to treat myself to a birthday meal there and would be pleased if you want to show up.”

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners. com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

Dear Miss Manners: