Rude re­mark gets flip­pant re­sponse

South Florida Sun-Sentinel (Sunday) - - Society - Ju­dith Martin Send ques­tions to Miss Man­ners at her web­site, miss­man­ners.com or email her at dearmiss­man­[email protected] gmail.com.

Dear Miss Man­ners: I share a name with a high-pro­file politi­cian, and re­cently at­tended a cock­tail party for my hus­band’s of­fice. As I was be­ing in­tro­duced to the wife of one of his col­leagues, she wrin­kled her nose and said, “Ugh! Oh nooooo, I haaaate that name. All I can think of when I hear that name is (politi­cian).” I said, “Well, I guess we can’t be friends. Darn.” Then turned and walked away. Other co-work­ers think this will come back to bite my hus­band. He doesn’t care a whit. What should I have said?

Gen­tle Reader: What you said was not the is­sue. It was rather how you likely said it, and the abrupt turn af­ter­wards, that may have fu­ture reper­cus­sions. How lucky that you have a hus­band who found it charm­ing. She rec­om­mends, how­ever, that nei­ther of you con­sider pol­i­tics.

Dear Miss Man­ners: My son and his fu­ture wife have de­cided to have their wed­ding and re­cep­tion with “no chil­dren,” other than his and her nieces and neph­ews.

Now, for the shower I am plan­ning for them, they have said they want “women only.” Some of the older women won’t be able to come, as their hus­bands are their driv­ers. Some of the new moms aren’t sure about at­tend­ing, as who will watch the kids? It feels like my fam­ily is slowly be­ing ex­cluded.

Gen­tle Reader: That the bride wants to ex­clude chil­dren is prob­lem­atic, as the guests will see all those nieces and neph­ews. That she wants sole dic­ta­tor­ship over who comes to a shower that you are host­ing without con­sid­er­a­tion for her guests is equally of­fi­cious. While not a tra­di­tion with which Miss Man­ners agrees, she sup­poses that the bride is pre­sum­ing that “women only” is tra­di­tional for show­ers. But then, tra­di­tion­ally, show­ers are never given by fam­ily mem­bers — or ones to be. You might po­litely point out the in­con­ve­niences these ex­clu­sions pose for her guests. Or, if that has no ef­fect, per­haps the no­tion of re­ceiv­ing fewer presents will.

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