Woman encounters karma at church

Dear Amy: I’m struggling with comments from my women friends. Weekly, at church, I have encountered comments like: “Oh, your hair is wet!” (The implication is: You come here every week — get it together!)

Here’s another: “WHAT is wrong with your chin? (Two inflamed spots.)

Or this comment after a full-body appraisal: “So WHAT are you wearing today? Hmm, the way you dress — you’re such a hippy girl!”

Amy, I am freaking 62 years old and have been going to this church for 20 years. Yet, I never really got the memo of dressing for other women.

I know of many sarcastic ways to respond, but I would rather say something more benign like, “Well, I just wanted to come to church today.”

I wish to find solidarity in my women friends, but instead we pick on each other in petty ways.

Confession: I used to do this, too, but now I only make complimentary comments. — Sad in Sacramento

Dear Sad: You confess that you used to talk in this openly judgmental way to other women, but now you only deliver compliments.

This is your penance. It is called: “What comes around, goes around.” Or, more Biblically: We reap what we sow.”

I like your statement, “Well, I just wanted to come to church today.”

It’s time for all of you to become more intimately connected with the Golden Rule.

Dear Amy: “Worried Aunt” was despairing over the future of her niece, who was marrying a man with whom she was in a stalemate.

I really appreciated your idea that the aunt could respond to this tension by suggesting pre-marital counseling. My former fiance and I broke up during ours (thank God). — Happy Now

Dear Happy: The stress of wedding planning reveals fissures in relationships. Counseling can help to create paths of communication — or lead to a timely parting.