Should father sit out daughter’s dance?

Dear Amy: My 10-year-old daughter has a school sponsored Daddy/Daughter Dance coming up. The dance is “girl’s choice,” and she has told me it is her year to take her stepfather.

Ever since her mother and I got divorced, her mother has done everything possible to convince our children that I am replaceable, including pressuring our daughter to go to this dance with her stepfather rather than me.

My ex and I share custody. I only go to this dance if my custody overlaps with the Friday of the dance. It has for the last several years, and it does this year, too. I was expecting to attend this year, just as I have in the past.

Amy, this is our second-to-last year for this dance. After that, it’s middle school. Should I take the high road here and support her choice, even though I know it is being made under duress?

Should I volunteer at the dance so we can at least have one dance together? — Dad in Turmoil

Dear Dad: Yes, take the high road. Regardless of your ex-wife’s attitude toward you, your daughter does have a stepfather, and you should respect that he is one of her parents.

He is not her primary dad — you are. But if he is good to her and if she is fond of him, then you should actually be brave enough to encourage this relationship. The more supportive and engaged men she has in her corner, the stronger and confident she will be in her own relationships. Having dads around is great for any kid’s self-esteem.

Given how attached you are to this event, you can imagine that it was hard for her to convey her decision to you. Respect it.

You have managed to make this sweet dance all about you and an endorsement of your relationship. But it isn’t.

No, do not volunteer to chaperone. Your watchful presence could make this already formidable challenge unbearable for her.

Tell your daughter to have a good time, and look forward to next year.