Ex needs to break up a second time

Dear Amy: I was in a two-year relationship with “Tiffany” that ended over a year ago. I created a dishonest situation with her. I take full responsibility for my actions and continue to feel horrible about it.

After the breakup, we didn’t talk for a month. When we did meet up to talk, she asked me to help her and her children from a previous marriage move 1,500 miles away.

I obliged and did the favor. Since the move, I have kept my distance and tried to move on.

On a recent trip she made back to my home state, I let her borrow my car/apartment.

Tiffany has often asked why I don’t talk to her much and why I’ve kept our conversations short. I usually reply that I’m busy.

Am I obligated to keep this friendship going? I don’t want to hurt her again.

At some point I want to move on to get past my own mistakes. How do I get past this? — Obligated Ex-boyfriend

Dear Obligated: So, you take responsibility for being dishonest toward “Tiffany,” and for causing the breakup of your relationship.

Now it seems that you feel obligated to do whatever Tiffany asks.

Tiffany may be trying to take advantage of your guilt — it’s hard to tell.

Tiffany did not rush in and carry you out of a burning building. She let you betray and break up with her. Your guilt should not translate into a lifetime of obligations.

I take it that even though you feel terrible about causing the end of your good relationship, you don’t want to continue in any kind of friendship. So you’re going to have to break up with Tiffany again. Only this time, you’re going to have to go all-in: “Tiffany, the reason I don’t communicate much with you is because I have emotionally moved on from our relationship. I continue to feel terrible about my behavior. I don’t want to continue our friendship.”

You are not responsible for Tiffany’s reactions.