Spouse’s wanders leaves wonder

Dear Amy: I hope you can help me with a response for when people ask me why I don’t go on trips with my husband.

A few years back, my

57-year-old husband of

33 years told me that he was retiring.

He said he wanted to travel before he got too old, and if I didn’t understand that, then I don’t care about him, and he would go without me.

I have always been the primary breadwinner, so he didn’t think it would be a big deal for me to be the ONLY breadwinner.

This has been very hard on our marriage. When we see family and they ask what we’re up to, my husband gushes about his upcoming trips.

Inevitably, they turn to me and ask why I don’t join him.

My husband just says that I’m no fun.

Nobody seems to realize that someone has to pay for his excursions.

Can you help me to come up with a response?’ — Grounded

Dear Grounded: I respect your perspective on this, but would first ask that you do a little work to determine whether, in fact, you would choose to go on any of these trips, even if you could. Some people don’t like to travel.

In your case, because there seems to be such a lack of balance in your relationship you might not choose to travel because you don’t enjoy being dominated by your husband. Your very long marriage might continue on its current track precisely because you don’t spend all of your time together.

You should not be forced to finance your husband’s trips. If he is racking up debt to travel, you should consult with a family law attorney to see whether you are responsible for your spouse’s debts.

You should also research the idea of negotiating a “postnuptial agreement,” where you mutually agree how to divide your assets and income during your marriage.

You can respond with your version of the truth: “I’m working hard to pay for my husband’s trips.” Own your choice, and don’t apologize for it.