Did my boyfriend’s mom snub me?

Dear Miss Manners: I am 50 years old and have been living with a man for more than eight years. I have always had a good relationship with his mother.

Over the years, we have received holiday cards from his mother addressed to both of us and signed “Love.” But this year, the envelope was addressed only to her son; enclosed was a “son”-specific card signed “Love,” and a second card to me with only her name noted.

Am I being too sensitive, or do you think there is something bothering his mother about me that she will not express and is telling me through this action?

Gentle Reader: Not knowing how this lady generally operates, Miss Manners could not say. It is her usual policy, however, to assume the best.

If you are anxious to find out her intention, you may do so delicately by saying, “It was so kind of you to think of me, as always, with a holiday card. Even more so to go to the trouble of getting us two. But really, Lance and I can share one card. Was there any reason you thought otherwise?”

Dear Miss Manners: I was raised by horribly abusive cult members. They did me a great kindness by excluding me from their lives when I came out as a gay man at age 17. I avoid them as best I can.

When well-intentioned people ask about my family, I usually say that I don’t know them.

What can I say to those who persist in asking further questions? I don’t wish to be abrupt or unpleasant to them.

Gentle Reader: Saying that you do not know your parents, Miss Manners fears, sets the nosy — and maybe the ordinary — brain reeling, wondering how that is actually possible.

“I am afraid that I am not currently in touch with them, but thank you for your concern” might serve your purpose better. It also has the advantage of being more relatable, even if others’ circumstances are not nearly as dire as yours.