How to thank people from safe, noncontagious distance

Dear Miss Manners: My household had the misfortune of becoming ill with COVID-19. We also had the good fortune of surviving it.

Two of its members became considerably ill for some time, and we were under quarantine for 32 days. Thankfully, friends and some relatives kept us fed by dropping off groceries and meals on our doorstep throughout the month.

We are now one week past quarantine. People are still generally treating us like we are contagious, so I’ve tried to be sensitive to this and have waited to send out thank-you notes to all of the kind people who helped feed us while we were sick. I was discussing this with a close family member and trying to get an idea of how long he thought I should wait.

He was very frank with me and told me that he didn’t think I should bother sending any thank-you notes through the mail at all. He felt I should only communicate my gratefulness electronically, because people will probably be uncomfortable about getting anything from me for many more months.

But it just seems wrong to thank people through email or text message when they were so kind when my family was ill. However, the last thing I want to do is make these people feel uncomfortable. What does Miss Manners suggest I do?

Gentle reader: Although there does not seem to be evidence that the virus can be transmitted through the mail, Miss Manners acknowledges that your benefactors might nevertheless be jumpy. But she also agrees that a casual text or email is not a sufficient response to lifesustaining kindness.

Paying a call in person was once the highly formal way of giving thanks: You would write “p.r.” — the French abbreviation of “to thank” (“pour remercier”) — in the corner of your calling card.

Now, Miss Manners is no more suggesting that you scare people by popping up at their doors than that you thank them in French. But you can arrange a virtual visit in which to express your profound thanks.

Dear Miss Manners: In these days of COVID-19, and forever hence, may I offer individuals with overt symptoms of sickness a spare face mask?

I’ve always been charmed by the ethos of some cultures in Asia, where individuals don them automatically. Over the years, I’ve stewed in silence while an individual continues to exhibit symptoms of sickness. I usually carry a mask or two for myself, but they are more effective in preventing the transmission of germs from the source.

One can never tell who might be immunocompromised from medical conditions or treatments. So, can I politely say, “I happen to have a spare mask. May I offer it to you?”

Gentle reader: Do you mean, is the surgical mask this century’s handkerchief? It could well be, but only as long as we pay careful attention to the ever-changing protocols. (It is your “forever hence” that gives Miss Manners pause.)

Even a short time ago, your generosity might have been perceived as an accusation: that the person in question was obviously sick and not being mindful of others. As this is being written, however, most would see it as a muchcoveted offering, on a level with toilet paper and facial tissue in value.

As your intention could still fall into the former category, Miss Manners suggests that you choose your phrasing carefully. Yours is not bad, but she suggests that the intonation make it clear that you would offer it to anybody — and are not targeting this particular person based on age or perceived condition.

Dear Miss Manners:

Traditionally in our company, when co-workers are leaving, we all sign a card, get a gift and take said co-worker out to lunch as a team. But with us all working from home, what would be the appropriate protocol to celebrate our co-worker before her last day?

Gentle reader: A luncheon.

It was always the employer’s responsibility to honor a retiring employee with a laudatory party, but some years ago, many refused to spend the money, leaving the remaining employees to supply both the appreciation and the expense. Miss Manners always thought it a disgrace to shift the obligation of recognizing service to the retiree’s colleagues.

But at least it won’t cost you anything, as the luncheon will, of course, be virtual.