Man didn’t sign on as press secretary for ailing neighbor

I live in a tight-knit community of mostly seniors, with about 20 homes on a street that ends in a cul-de-sac. It’s the sort of community where neighbors look in on one another and take care of each other, and where very little goes unnoticed.

A good friend who lives several houses away phoned to say that he was sick with what he suspected was the flu and that he needed help. Due to the possibility of COVID-19, I did as much as I could without actually entering his house, including leaving food and medicine on his doorstep.

When his health did not improve, I felt it was necessary to call an ambulance, which arrived with sirens blaring and lights flashing, drawing the attention of everyone in the vicinity. He was taken to the hospital, where he luckily tested negative for COVID-19, but he had suffered a small stroke, all of which he recounted to me.

My neighbors, of course, were anxious to know what had happened and descended on me for answers, and I told them what I knew. When I spoke to my friend in the hospital later, he told me that he appreciated my help, that it had been all right to tell people that he had tested negative for the virus, but that I should not have disclosed the fact that he’d had a stroke.

Now that my friend is in rehab, people are asking me about his condition, putting me in an awkward position. What should I do without either violating my friend’s privacy or

Dear Miss Manners:

embarrassing those who are expressing concern?

By the way, I did not sign on to be a press secretary, particularly one doing a bad job!

Having cared for your neighbor in these crises, you can honorably resign. If he is well enough to criticize, Miss Manners would consider him well enough to take charge of his health reports or to designate someone else to do so.

Gentle reader:

My husband and I walk almost daily. During this shelterin-place time, there are many more people out walking.

Our understanding is that you walk facing traffic. However, many people are walking with traffic. When we encounter them, we always move away to give the proper social distancing, and they sometimes look at us like we are the protocol violators.

Are we? Can you please educate us (and them) on the proper side of the road to walk on?

Dear Miss Manners:

If you are walking in the street itself, moving 6 feet away would put you smack into the middle of traffic. This is not a good idea — even now, when there are fewer cars on the road. Miss Manners hopes you will find a safer path.

On sidewalks, moving over 6 feet would also go into traffic on one side, or onto someone’s property on the other. So it is incumbent on both parties to move, 3 feet each.

But how do you encourage others to do their part? Well, not by shouting, “Move!” Discourtesy only adds to the distress.

First, you move as far as you safely can. Then smile and perform the gesture that a theatrical headwaiter would use to accompany

Gentle reader:

his saying, “This way, please, madam, sir.” It is an arm swing, with open palm and the arm moving from a vertical position to a horizontal one.

Practice, and do not omit the unctuous smile. People do not shoot accusing looks at headwaiters.

On several occasions, I have met someone new at a party or an event and, in the middle of a pleasant conversation, had that person look me right in the eye, smile and say how heavy they are and how much they need to lose weight.

I am an overweight woman, and although I try every day to eat right and stay fit, I do struggle with it. Invariably, this new acquaintance is someone much thinner than I. I am perplexed at how to respond, so I usually just try to change the subject.

Of course I can’t agree with them, because it isn’t true. I suspect they want me to say that they don’t need to lose any weight at all and that I am the one who must lose weight.

However, this is so obvious that it doesn’t seem necessary to even say it. It strikes me as being very rude to tell a heavy person that you yourself want to lose weight, especially when speaking to someone who is perhaps twice your size. What do you suggest as an appropriate response?

Dear Miss Manners:

“Oh dear, I am sorry to hear you say that about yourself. My experience is that people can be healthy and attractive at all different sizes.”

Gentle reader: To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.