Fourth wedding can be as fancy as the bride wishes

Dear Miss Manners: What is the protocol on fourth weddings?

A friend who is going to have her fourth wedding wants all the hoopla (white gown, tiara, bridesmaids, showers). I feel the wedding should be more reserved: nice dress, flowers and an informal reception.

I don’t want her to be the “talk of the town” in a sarcastic way. I want her to have a nice wedding, but am I wrong that the wedding should be a little more reserved?

Gentle reader: You have every reason to believe that Miss Manners will not just support your view but faint away from the vulgarity of your friend’s plans.

She is sorry to disappoint you. And please allow her to explain this particular lapse of intolerance.

The white wedding dress has a long and not-entirely-pure history. It is all the fault of Queen Victoria. Before she chose a white wedding dress, in contrast to the usual royal habit of displaying silver or gold, there was no wedding uniform.

Brides dressed up for their weddings in any colors they chose. And because the queen, who had endured omnipresent chaperonage by her mother, was presumed to be virginal, the color came to be considered symbolic of bodily purity.

This gave rise to some astounding vulgarity, which persisted well into modern times. People, even wedding guests, started speculating as to whether the bride’s packaging was an accurate representation of what was underneath. This so repulsed Miss Manners as to make her back away from the entire issue.

It is true that she privately harbors the feeling that subsequent weddings should not be repeats of the same person’s previous full wedding hoopla. But that is because it seems an unnecessary imposition on the guests.

Still, if they will stand for it, she declines to throw a damper over others’ wishes.

Dear Miss Manners: I own a battery hybrid car. As these types of cars become more popular, there has been an increase in the number of publicly available charging stations. These stations are typically found at places of business like malls and commercial parking garages, and often (but not always) line up with a designated parking spot.

I have occasionally come upon a car parked in a charging space, and plugged into a charging station, although it is completely charged. (This can often be determined by indicator lights on the vehicle or on the charging station itself. Typically when they’re lit and/or blinking, the vehicle is charging.)

I don’t want to waste time waiting for the car’s owner to come back, or to have to return at a later time to plug my vehicle in. Would it be rude to unplug someone else’s vehicle if I “know” that it is already fully charged — assuming that the cable can reach to the next parking space?

Gentle reader: Much like the use of public laundry machines, it is difficult to determine exactly how long this process will take — and tedious to sit there waiting for it.

Miss Manners asks that you assume the best, but if you are forced to wait an unreasonable amount of time, she will allow you to change out the plug. If caught in the act, you may say, “I am sorry, I didn’t want your car to overcharge.”

While this may betray some ignorance of how the system works, at least it will have the guise of being thoughtful and polite — not just impatient, however justifiably so.

I sit 7 feet from an employee who loudly sniffs all day. It is so bad, I cannot believe no one in her family has said anything to her. It is nonstop.

I need to know what I can say. I have handed her boxes of tissues, and she just puts them on a shelf. I turn my radio up and sigh.

I am at the point of quitting my job. Please advise me of a way to tell her to stop.

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: There are not many positive things that we can attribute to COVID, but health-related regulations, implemented for the safety of all, are among them.

Miss Manners suggests that you helpfully warn your work friend of that by saying, “I’m worried about your health. And about what HR might do if they hear you sniffling too much. Perhaps you should see a doctor? I can recommend an excellent one.”