Young-at-heart lady seeking approval to wed younger man

Dear Miss Manners: Iama single lady in my late 60s, but appear to be 20 to 25 years younger. I am in good health and enjoy youthful activities like badminton, Frisbee, swimming, canoeing and camping. My outlook and constitution have always been those of a younger lady.

I have met a law enforcement officer who is about 25 years younger than I. This gentleman is thoughtful, kind, sweet, handsome, very mature in a quiet way, and very ethical in his work.

We met while participating in community projects together.

He asked if I would consider a long-term relationship, stating that he had no issues with my older age.

As we talked, the gentleman stated he was looking for a lady who shared his outlook, ideation and values.

He said that he was already taken with me, and asked whether I would be his lady and accept his ring.

I must confess to wishing I were younger, because I would be smitten with the sweet gentleman.

Is it appropriate to be with a gentleman 25 years younger, if you find he is in your heart already and feels so close already in spirit?

Gentle reader: What if Miss Manners said no? Yes, this is a test. There is no etiquette rule that mandates the respective ages of an adult couple who want to marry.

Society — and relatives expecting a sizable inheritance — may be otherwise biased, but they do not know what is in your and your gentleman’s hearts.

If he truly is a gentleman and you are truly in love, then you have Miss Manners’ best wishes. She suggests you ignore anyone who does not agree.

I moved offices in a large organization, and now share an open area with five new colleagues.

One of them had, in the past, purchased a coffee machine for general use in this area. I asked if I could use it, and was told “certainly.” We all bring our own coffee pods, and several of us bring jugs of water to fill the water reservoir.

I was brought up not to be a moocher, so after a couple of weeks, I gave the owner $10 to compensate for my daily use of his machine. He initially declined to take it, but I insisted and he took it, thanking me.

I did this privately, just between him and myself, but word spread. I have been told that what I did was a faux pas and made the others look bad, since they had never offered him any money.

My response was that my action was for myself, and not meant to reflect what anyone else should do; I framed it as just something that I (stressing the “I” part) felt was fair. Your thoughts, please.

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: That “you” stressing the “you” are not doing a great job of convincing your colleagues — or Miss Manners — that what you deem fair does not reflect on them.

Really, it was not necessary for you to give your colleague money; it only pointed out, in a rather unseemly way, that this was a transaction and not a favor. As you are providing your own coffee pods, it is costing the owner nothing.

Keeping up maintenance as you have done, and perhaps occasionally bringing in the kind of coffee he prefers, is all that is politely necessary — as well as offering to purchase the next machine when this one inevitably gives out.

Dear Miss Manners: I have a slight case of allergies and occasionally let out a sudden sneeze, which I discreetly attempt to muffle.

Those around me sometimes counter with “God bless you,” “Gesundheit” or the like, to which I give a polite nod.

However, there is one person who will bolt upright with alarm whenever I sneeze and exclaim “Well, excuse you!” or, “Why didn’t you give us some warning?!” making everyone stare at me further.

Frankly, it’s an awkward situation and I’d rather not have any additional attention, particularly as I’m scurrying for a tissue. How should I respond?

Gentle reader: “Believe me, if I had had any warning myself, you would have been the next to know.”

Dear Miss Manners: When sending a response for a wedding, do I include my toddler in the number?

Gentle reader: Only if your toddler was expressly invited, but has not had the courtesy to respond.