Generating Buzz

Williamson and Ball would make a stellar core. been higher, thanks to charismatic subway dwellers like the viral

“pizza rat” and Master Splinter. And in sports, “rat” is almost always used as a compliment—gym rat, rink rat, etc. The rest of the league will hate them for making a superteam, but they’ll own it. Rats don’t care what people think of them.

The Wherever Hornets

The Charlotte Hornets moved to New Orleans in 2002 but were technically designated as an expansion team. So Charlotte, which no longer had any players, retained its records and history as the Hornets, but not the Hornets name. The city wouldn’t have a team again until 2004, when the Bobcats were born. Then the original Hornets changed their name to the Pelicans, so the Bobcats could become the new Charlotte Hornets, while also somehow already being the old Hornets.

Are you confused? So am I. So let’s make it even more confusing. Let’s really combine the old Hornets and the new Hornets into a single franchise. Now the record books will show that the Hornets played two different sets of games in two different cities from 2004 to ’13, which is already kind of the case.

In addition to both simplifying and confusing the franchise history, the merger makes basketball sense. Charlotte’s crown jewel is LaMelo Ball. New Orleans has Zion Williamson and is desperate to build around him.

The Hornets can bring the guards (Ball and Terry Rozier), while

New Orleans can provide the size (Williamson, Brandon Ingram, and Jonas Valanˇci¯unas). That’s a starting five as good as any in Hornets history . . . whoever is claiming it these days.

Your Team Name Here

Before I start combining NHL teams, I think I’ve done enough to anger fans in Florida, Michigan, and Louisiana. I try never to have more than three states mad at me at one time. So if you’d like to take some of the heat off me, submit your merger team idea to Art Gallery or Kip. You know our email addresses.