Cicadas will be noisy. Let’s scream along.
We Americans are staring down the barrel of a double-brood cicada emergence, a bound-to-be cacophonous event that will rattle our eardrums, make summer strolls crunchier than they should be and give the bug-wary among us an unruly case of the icks.
This confluence of rising cicada broods – which hasn’t happened since 1803 – has some wishing they could fast-forward past summer and get to the part where the estimated trillions of these periodical visitors die so we can move on to more peaceful moments, like a wildly contentious presidential election or maybe a civil war.
A recent USA TODAY report noted: “Scientists estimate that trillions of cicadas in Broods XIX and XIII will emerge, eat, reproduce and die before the next generation heads underground to wait for another 13 or 17 years.”
Someone should tell these noisy bugs that “emerge, eat, reproduce and die” is kind of our thing, but whatever.
Hearing the cicadas might not be so bad if we scream along
Rather than be stressed or worried or annoyed by the coming cicada-pocalypse, I have an idea that might unite the remaining few Americans who have not completely lost their minds: LET US JOIN THE CICADAS IN THEIR SCREAMING!
OK, technically, the cicadas aren’t screaming. It’s the dude cicadas and their vibrating tymbal organs (it’s not as dirty as it sounds) issuing a mating call. And while it might sound like a mating call that would only attract lowflying jets and cats getting their tails stepped on, it works for the cicadas, so we shouldn’t judge.
What we should do, in fact, is chime in.
They’re blissfully unaware of how awful we’ve made the world
These two cicada broods will emerge in 17 states in the Southeast and Midwest. One brood hasn’t been above ground in 13 years, the other in 17 years.
They’ve missed some things and, frankly, are probably better for it.
We noninsect human types continue to pollute the planet and pretend it’s no biggie, all while doing a lot of random killing of each other.
About a third of the population believes the 2020 presidential election was stolen, despite a sum total of zero evidence. That same third of the population, and quite a few more, want the guy who made up the lie about the 2020 election being stolen to be president again, despite him spending most of his time whining outside courtrooms.
Let your voice be heard this cicada season
But since we’re not genetically equipped for subterranean existence and probably too picky to subsist on tree sap, the best we’ll be able to do is stand alongside the trillions of cicadas this summer and scream our freakin’ heads off.
Rather than gripe about the noise, let’s join the chorus and, in the process, vent our multitudinous frustrations.
Get out in the yard and holler with great gusto: “WE HEAR YOU, CICADA BROTHERS AND SISTERS! EVERYTHING SUCKS! AND WE REALLY WISH 2024 WAS OVER ALREADY!!!”
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/ RexIsAJerk