Springfield News-Sun : 2019-02-11

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D3 SPRINGFIELDNEWS-SUN MONDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2019 • • COMPLETE. IN-DEPTH. DEPENDABLE. Genetic disorder forces confession Dear Abby: Decades ago, while I was a college student, a friend took the time and interest to help me through a severe bout of depression. She likely savedmy life. She had no special training, just a kind heart and a willing ear. At the time, I didn’t realize the profound impact she hadmade. Our lives diverged, and I never heard from her again. Recently, I finally decided to reach out and thank her, but unfortunately, an online search revealed her 10-year-old obituary. Fromthe notes in the guest book, I discovered she had suffered many personal hardships throughout her adult life, which contributed to her early death. Because I was not able to help her as she helpedme, I want to pass along two important lessons I learned: (1) Thank people and tell themyou care before it is too late, and (2) be willing to lend a hand and an ear to someone in need, because youmay be that one person who affects their life. She had a saying I would like to share, which has guidedmy life: “Just open your ‘I’ and LIVE becomes LOVE.” JeannePhillips DearAbby Dear Abby: Ten years ago, I had an affair with amarriedman that resulted in a pregnancy and then amiscarriage. I was alsomarried at the time. Pathology testing revealed that the child had a rare genetic disorder inherited on the paternal side. My husband’s genetic test indicated that he was not a carrier. The revelation led to my admission of the affair and our divorce. I didn’t tell the otherman. His wife was unable to have children, so I didn’t think it would impact him. I recently found out he is divorced and remarried to a younger woman. I have no idea whether they plan to have children, but I’m torn about telling himhe is a carrier for that life-threatening disorder. Selfishly, I do not want to reopen this shameful period of my life, so my instinct is to leave it alone, but I feelmorally obligated to let himknow. Should I contact him and tell him he was the father of the child and that he is a carrier of this genetic abnormality? — With Love in Minnesota Dear With Love: I’msorry for the loss of your caring and compassionate friend. I’mglad you took the time to write and share what ameaningful role she had in your life. That shemade herself available to listen when you needed it is somethingmore people should do because we live ina stressful society inwhich many individuals feel lost and alone. And I love her “motto”! — Torn in Mississippi Dear Torn: The kind thing to do would be to contact your former lover privately. Explain that you do not mean to intrude, but he needs to know something important. Then informhim that it could save himand his wife a world of heartache if theyhave genetic testing done before planning to have a child, and why. You would be doing them both an enormous favor if you disclose it. Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to DealWith It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included.) PRINTED AND DISTRIBUTED BY PRESSREADER PressReader.com +1 604 278 4604 ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY COPYRIGHT AND PROTECTED BY APPLICABLE LAW

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