Sisters shine new light on postpartum depression
NORWALK — Kara Kovlakas could light up a room.
When asked what they remember about her, that’s the first thing her husband and sisters say.
“I think everyone would agree you always remember her smile first,” her sister, Jenna Garry, said. “She would walk into a room and everyone knew her presence. She always made you feel special and important. She was an amazing mother, which I was so fortunate to see first hand. “
“She had that ‘it’ factor where everybody loved her and had nothing but good things to say about her,” said her husband, Norwalk Police Officer Andy Kovlakas. “I can’t think of anything negative that somebody would say about her.”
“We spent her entire 32 years of her life together. She was an amazing mother, the best sister that anybody could ask for. She was my best friend,” said another sister, Lauren Morrow Shrage.
Kovlakas was a devoted mother of two children, a wife, a loving sister, and a beloved teacher at Marvin Elementary School. From the outside, she seemed to have a perfect life. But, in the months following the birth of her second child, Kovlakas was quietly struggling with postpartum depression. Even her family didn’t realize the extent to which she suffered.
On Oct. 13, 2016, a day before she would have turned 33, Kovlakas committed suicide.
“I don’t know how many times we saw stuff like this on TV, or talked about it. No one thinks it could happen to them,” Kovlakas said. “Sure enough, it happened.”
Kovlakas’ death devastated her husband, her five sisters and her mother and brought the seldom spokenabout issue of postpartum depression into focus.
Though they were mourning, her sisters were not content to grieve in private. They decided to use their sister’s story to start a larger conversation about postpartum depression and the stigma surrounding it.
“Not that’s it’s something we even want to share, but at the same time my family and I feel like not talking about it doesn’t help,” Shrage said.
Around the first anniversary of Kovlakas’ death, in October 2017, her sisters gathered a group of family and friends to participate in the SoNo 5k — Kara loved to run — raising money for the Connecticut chapter of Postpartum Support International (PSI-CT) and Malta House, a Norwalk organization that assists pregnant women.
This year, on the second anniversary of Kovlakas’ death, they will host their own Light for Kara 5k for Maternal Mental Health at Calf Pasture Beach in Norwalk, with proceeds again going to the two organizations that work to raise awareness about prenatal and postpartum mental health.
“The anniversary and her birthday the following day — they’re really hard days,” said Shrage, who has taken the lead in organizing the 5k. “I think about Kara every day, but those are particularly hard days. So to be around family and friends really helps me get through.”
According to Cory Bernard, events and fundraising committee chair at PSi-CT, the prevalence rate of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders — postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, postpartum PTSD and postpartum psychosis — are surprisingly high.
“We’re all sold the myth that moms are supposed to be pregnant, keep working, pop out a baby, go back to work in six weeks, lose the baby weight and be thrilled that they have a child,” Bernard said. “If you have 100 postpartum women in a room, 20 will experience depression and/or anxiety, nine will have symptoms of PTSD, 11 will have symptoms of OCD, 11 will have panic attacks, one or two will be struggling with serious psychotic symptoms (postpartum psychosis), five will take their own lives due to their symptoms and four will take their children’s lives.”
It’s a problem that touches a significant segment of the population, but is not often discussed.
“There’s no literature given to new moms, there’s no 1-800 number,” Garry said.
Kovlakas’ family hopes Kara’s story will encourage others who may be suffering to break their silence and fight back against the mental illness that claimed Kara’s life. “If our story could help one person, that’s what it’s all about,” Kovlakas said.