The hardships of raising kin
Grandparents face financial, emotional strains when stepping in to rear an adult child’s child
NORWALK — When Rosetta Melton arrived at Bridgeport Hospital, she didn’t have much information — all she knew was her daughter had just attempted suicide and her granddaughter might be in danger.
“When I got there, they didn’t want to tell me anything,” Melton said, thinking back on July 16, 2016. “They couldn’t confirm if my daughter or granddaughter was there; they held me there from 5:19 in the morning, all day until around 6 o’clock.”
About 20 minutes after she arrived, a police officer led Melton to a hospital room where her two-yearold granddaughter was sitting. She immediately jumped into her grandmother’s arms.
“All of a sudden all these people who work in the ER come rushing in as if I did something, as if I was a threat,” Melton said, still confused five years later about why that happened.
Soon after, a Child Protective Services worker with the Department of Children & Families approached Melton and said, given her daughter’s situation, DCF could not guarantee Melton custody of her granddaughter.
“I lost it,” Melton said. Thankfully, in the end, DCF placed the granddaughter with Melton, making her one of about 19,000 grandparents responsible for their grandchildren in the state, according to U.S. Census data.
For decades, grandparents have taken on the role of parent when needed — some for a second, third or fourth time.
Many, like Melton, are thrust into the role without warning, often stepping in for their own children who struggle with drug addiction, incarceration, mental illness or other issues. Some are unprepared for the financial, emotional and health challenges that come along with parenting at an older age and advocates say with little notice, they are forced to face many obstacles with few supports and services tailored to their needs.
“It definitely aged me,” said Melton, 56, of Bridgeport. “There were some days I was just simply crawling — and I lost a lot. I need to file for bankruptcy, but because you need money to file for bankruptcy, I haven’t yet. I lost my car. I stopped going to school. I’m three classes from completing my master’s (degree). Financially, it destroyed me.”
Of the 19,000 Connecticut grandparents responsible for their grandchildren, about 50 percent are white, 26 percent are black, 21 percent are Latino, and 3 percent are Asian, according to U.S. Census data. More than 30 percent of those children have no parent present in the home.
Furthermore, the percentage of the population aged 30 and older living with grandchildren has increased from 3.6 percent in 2000 to 3.8 percent in 2014.
“I think it’s still on the rise,” said Paul Ganim, a probate judge in Bridgeport. “I’m sitting on probably five to nine, 10 cases a week where we’re dealing with various issues with guardianship and placing children in safe homes.”
The preferred place to put a child, according to Kenneth Cabral, regional administrator for DCF, is with a family member or a family friend, called a kinship care arrangement.
Tonya Gonsalves, 59, started taking care of her 5-year-old grandnephew a few years ago through Family & Children’s Agency’s kinship program. After the six-month program, she moved to permanently adopt him.
“It’s best that they’re with the family member straight from the beginning,” the Westport woman said. “It’s a lot of confusion on their part and they really don’t understand why they’re placed with a stranger.”
Still, advocates say many grandparents are hesitant about taking legal custody of their grandchildren.
“I think most grandparents hesitate to take full custody away from their child because they hope there will be some elimination of the substance abuse and family reunification,” said Marie Allen, executive director of Southwestern Connecticut Agency on Aging. “There’s also a lot of challenges for the grandparents around legal rights, like a health proxy before they become a guardian.”
For example, if a grandparent takes the child to a hospital, staff might ask the legal guardian to sign off. If the legal guardian is still the child’s biological parent, and they’re unreachable, that could cause barriers for the child needing care. Grandparents can face similar challenges when trying to enroll their grandchildren in school if they don’t have legal custody.
For Yolanda Stinson, the 59-year-old Bridgeport woman has had to step in four times to take care of her 13-year-old grandson. The Norwalk native does not have legal custody of him and said while some people are understanding of the situation, others are not.
“Because it’s happened so many times, the school, the doctors, everybody in his life just lets me bring him for appointments,” Stinson said. “Our story needs to get out.”