Robots are calling, and calling

If you have tried to call me lately but were unable to get through, my apologies.

I’ve probably blocked you. Nothing personal (in most cases.)

If I did inadvertently block you, it is probably because you have been caught up in my ongoing war against robocallers. How’s it going?

So far, I’m losing. But then we all are.

In 2018, mobile phone users were subjected to 48 billion robocalls. This was a 57 percent increase from the previous year. Middle school girls with boy problems do not account for this many phone calls.

It gets worse. In 2019 it is estimated that 50 percent of all calls made to mobile phones will come from robocallers.

It is also estimated, by me, that in the coming year the standard greeting when the phone rings will segue from “hello,” to “**!@$$**&#!!!

and the horse you rode in on.”

Granted, there are occasions when a well-timed robocall can come in handy. “Sorry I’ve got to take this.”

Overall, though, the only thing that can even come close to being as annoying as a robocall are those pregame shows in which overly jocular ex-jocks in bad suits occupy time slots that would be better served by dead air. (OK, so maybe that’s just me.)

While not all robocalls are scams, there is a whole lot of robocall scamming going on.

Why?

Because it’s profitable. Because it’s easier than sticking up a gas station.

Because there are a lot of people out there with phones who believe that if something sounds too good to be true this must be their lucky day.

I read about one scam in which a caller claiming to be from the IRS informed the recipient that back taxes were owed, and that instead of sending a check he should send the payment in iTunes gift cards.

I mean, seriously, even if you were to have only two functioning brain cells, don’t you think one of them might have become suspicious, might have wonder: iTunes? Why not Spotify? Hold on a minute.

I just got a robocall from Belhaven, N.C. I don’t know anybody from Belhaven, N.C. or anything about Belhaven, N.C. I Google. Seems the town was once known as Jack’s Neck. I wonder if it was Jack calling me? I wonder how his neck is doing? I don’t wonder about this enough, however, to “press 1 and find out more.”

Another issue I have with robocalls is how their frequency eventually causes even the coolest ringtone to become as annoying as an endless loop of “Song Sung Blue.” Personally, I’ll never be able to listen to “Strawberry Letter 23” again.

Robocalls certainly make you pine for the good old days when all you had to contend with were human telemarketers.

You could be rude to telemarketers.

You could toy with telemarketers.

You could gas telemarketers.

You could also put your name on a list so telemarketers would not call you anymore. There is still, in case you are wondering, a Do Not Call Registry. It has 230 million names and numbers on it, and registers 19,000 complaints a day. The word useless is inadequate to describe its effectiveness.

Computer technology is the culprit. It allows robocallers to always be one step ahead of regulators.

They can call from anywhere, including out of the country.

They can quickly move their base of operation. They can block detection. Another thing they can do is ID calls so they appear to be coming from your immediate area. (If I’m not mistaken, I once got a robocall from myself.)

Although Congress is on the case, and bills dealing with the problem have been written, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of urgency.

Maybe if we were to hire some robocallers?